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Archives for 2007,
2006, 2005,
2004,
2003,
2002,
2001,
and 2000.
Are Some Women Too Good to be
True?
Beware of Creating Ms. Jekyl and Ms.
Hyde
Can she be Trusted when She's Living
in Another Country?
Can Taking it too Slow Get You
into Trouble?
Can the Pattern of a Relationship
ever be Changed?
Did Heidi Klum save Preconceived
Notions about Seal?
Did Jon Voight Hate Billy Bob
Thornton?
Did McCauley Culkin ever have
Trouble getting Girls?
Does Mick Jagger Carry a Checklist
of What Not to Do?
Did Brad have to Soothe Jennifer's
Insecurities?
Did Rod and Rachel Split Up Because He
"Just wasn't into Her?"
Did Sinatra Ever Come on
Heavy?
Did "The Donald" Test Melania
before Tying the Knot?
Does Bruce Willis ever Pine
for Demi Moore?
Does George Clooney ever need
Coaching with Women?
Does Love Always Have to be Such a
Mystery?
Does Marc Anthony ever Worry about
J-Lo's Past?
Does Russell Crowe Ever Let a Babe
Get to Him?
Does the Average Guy Ever
Really Stand a Chance?
Does "The System" Bring Out
the Worst in Women?
Do some Men make Telephone
Blunders
Do You Think Alec Baldwin ever has
Trouble Getting Dates?
How do You Break the
Ice?
How do You Get Her to Cool Her
Jets?
If Mira Sorvino can Rob the Cradle,
Can't You?
If She's from the Other Side of the
Tracks, can She be a "Keeper?"
Is Dating Only Easy when You Look
like Brad Pitt?
Is it Ever Okay to Apply
Pressure
Is It Your Kids She Doesn't Want
- or You?
Is There Ever a Good Time to Rip
Off Your Buddy?
Is Will Smith the Real Date
Doctor?
Never Try to Keep Someone Who
Doesn't Want to Keep You
Only the Woman Knows the Right
Time
The Pitfalls of Group
Dates
Pretend You Don't Care and Watch
the Fireworks
Selling the Girl Next
Door
Should a Guy Ever be a Woman's
Doormat?
Should You Believe Her - or
Your Eyes?
Should You Keep Her if She Censors
Your Reading?
Should You Keep Your Ex as a
Friend?
Slow and Easy or Fast and
Furious?
What if She Doesn't Have a
Home Phone Number?
What if She has a
"Split" Personality?
What if She Won't Commit -- but
Won't Let Go?
What's the Best Way to Get a Women
to Want to Hold Onto You?
Where do You go to Meet a Good
One?
Who is Really Man's Best
Friend?
Will "The System" Make You
Something You're Not?
Women Should Learn to Keep Their
Mouths Shut
Would A Girl Ever Send Julio
Iglesias Home Early
Would Al Pacino ever put up with an
"Arguer?"
Would Brad take Angelina Back if
She Got Cold Feet?
Would Elvis Trust his
Intuition?
Would John Stamos ever use a
Matchmaker?
Would Jude Law give a Hoot if She
had a Boyfriend?
Would Julia Roberts care if you
Looked at Another Woman?
Would Katie Holmes be too Busy to
Return Tom's Calls?
Would Orlando Bloom ever Waste Time
with Empty Chitchat?
Would the Donald let Melania have
Dinner with Another Guy?
Did Jon Voight Hate Billy Bob Thornton?
Hey Doc,
I purchased your Dating Dictionary recently, and it’s been very informative in showing me where I’ve made mistakes with women in the past. As a result, I’ve had tremendous success with your advice in talking to and getting positive responses out of women. But there is still one problem that seems to come up and I’m powerless to solve it.
The last girl I really liked, Tanya, ended up dumping me out of the clear blue. The last day I was with her, she mentioned that her father “approved” of me, and that he never approved of anyone before. Before this happened she acted differently towards me (i.e., with high Interest Level), but once I got the parental seal of acceptance it was over the very next day. Could it be that her Interest Level was lowered because her parents approved of me? This is not the reason that Tanya gave me for ending it, but I have noticed it in a few relationships in the past.
I’ve talked to other women about this, and they admit to wanting a good guy that appears to be a “bad boy” to the parents. It seems like they want to go against their parent’s wishes. I guess my question to you is, is this just Womanese for their low Interest Level in me, or could it be that women don’t want their folks to like their boyfriends?
Now it seems that I get along with women’s parents VERY well, and they all like me. (At least to my face they do.) But as soon as the relationship has gone on long enough for me to have met their parents a few times, everything falls apart. Can you give me any advice on how to handle this situation, and how not to have the parents like me so much? Or is this not really a problem after all, and am I just looking for an excuse for why I always seem to screw it up with females I like?
Your book has opened up my eyes, and allowed me to see more of what women want. I can see more clearly that the guys who act in the way that you advise have women around them all the time. I look forward to learning more and coming closer to mastery of “The System.” In the meantime, I need help solving my “parents problem.” I really hope you can help me out.
Thanks, Doc. You’re the best.
Gino - who never thought he’d run into something like this.
Hi Gino,
Allow me to straighten you out about something right up front. Being rejected by Tanya was out of the clear blue FOR YOU. For Tanya, it was preplanned.
So, Tanya’s parents never approved of anyone but you before. Now think about this, my friend. Here’s a girl giving you the old heave-ho, and in the process serving up a tall tale to throw you off the scent of the real reason –her lack of interest in you -- and you’re ready to buy it. Just because two things happen at the same time (i.e., Tanya decides to dump you and her parents announce that they think you’re okay) you jump automatically to the conclusion that it’s a case of cause and effect, and you don’t consider the possibility that it’s all pure coincidence and that one thing has nothing to do with the other.
I’m trying to train you guys to be forensic love scientists, to look very closely at the evidence, and that’s what you have to do in order to know what’s really going on between you and your woman. You have to consider all the possibilities in every case and not run off half-cocked towards a conclusion that doesn’t hold water. Like my cousin Doctor Love would say, “You can’t just rush to judgment led by your exploding Interest Level or your supersensitive ego.”
Now sure, it’s possible that Tanya cut you loose because her folks approved of you – that is, if she hates her parents’ guts and she’s going to end up being the psycho wife from hell who will make Angelina Jolie or J-Lo look clinically sane. In which case you don’t want her anyway.
Tanya didn’t give you a reason for ending your romance? You’re kidding me, Gino! You mean women aren’t always forthcoming with the straight truth about why they’re calling it quits? You mean that actually happens? Wow, man, I’m shocked!
But if other women in the past have told you that they prefer bad boys and don’t want their parents to approve of their choices, you’re running around with a bunch of nutcases. Dude, are you picking up girls when the Jerry Springer Show lets out? Or are you handing out tickets to the wackos going in?
To you Psych majors, good girls who are raised properly by good parents WANT to make sure their parents LOVE the new boyfriend. Honest.
Pal, of course all these excuses are just Womanese for your ex-girlfriends’ low Interest Level in you! Because you’re history, aren’t you? Think about what you’re saying here. Girls don’t want their parents to like their boyfriends? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You’re attacking the family unit, my son, and you shouldn’t do that.”
I’m sure parents like you, Gino. And their daughters like you, too -- for a little while. But take my word for it, it’s strictly coincidence that when you meet the folks everything falls apart. The only thing really falling apart was the girls’ Interest Level, as it did a nosedive from 95% to 45%. So these poor parents aren’t your problem. The problem is YOU – you lower Interest Level. Her mother and father didn’t lower Interest Level, you did.
My book hasn’t opened your eyes all the way yet, Gino. Unfortunately, it’s opened only half of one eye. Which means you haven’t spent enough time with it. You need to read it again and again until the deeper truths of my principals sink into your mind.
Why don’t you act like the guys who have women around them all the time? I’ll tell you why. Because instead of imitating Cary Grant, you end up making these poor girls your mama or your psychiatrist, like all the other guys who screw up. But don’t feel bad, man. You’re not alone. You’ve got tons of company out there.
So to sum it all up, you don’t have a “parents problem.” You’ve got a problem keeping a girl’s Interest Level in the nineties. But memorize my techniques, and you’ll enter the Promised Land with a smiling face.
Remember, guys: when something goes wrong, it’s
usually your fault.
Would Jude Law give a Hoot if She had a Boyfriend?
Hey Doc,
I’ve been reading your articles for quite a while. First of all, I would like to thank you for what you do to help us guys on the battlefield of dating, and also let you know that I really enjoy reading your material. It’s the most refreshing thing on the web for men.
Now here’s my question. I met Carmen last week at a department store at a mall, and had a very engaging conversation with her for about an hour and a half. We laughed and flirted and I could tell that she was very interested and attracted to me. We exchanged telephone numbers and agreed that we would both like to see each other again.
So in other words, everything was perfect...if she didn’t have a boyfriend. When I asked her if she was seeing someone, she just said yes, without going into a whole long explanation about it. But apparently she isn’t too serious with him, otherwise she wouldn’t have responded to me the way she did, right? Usually I wouldn’t pursue anyone who was in a serious relationship, but we most definitely had a strong connection, and I would at least like to follow up with Carmen.
How can I ask Carmen out, or find out if she is willing to leave her current relationship, without appearing arrogant? Of course I’d like to come across as confident, though, at the same time. The goal is to be able to date her, so what would you suggest in this situation to attract her even more.
Do you think I’m leaving myself wide open for rejection or to be used by Carmen? And how do I avoid that?
I know this might seem very basic to you, but I could really use the help.
Thanks, and sorry for the long question.
Emanuel - who’s eager to find out if he really has a chance
Hi Emanuel,
I appreciate your compliment, and the word you used was right on the money – my column is refreshing. That’s because nobody out there among all those hundreds of so-called love doctors sounds even remotely like me. And you know why? Because I’m the only one truly looking out for you guys.
So you met Carmen at a mall. Great, pal – you picked up a complete stranger. You beat the odds. And you didn’t just ask for her home phone number and got out of there, you actually built some value into your 90 minutes together. You stretched a passing encounter into a cup of coffee and a conversation that went beyond “Wow, you have a great set of legs! Wanna get together sometime and check out my etchings?”
So for you Neanderthals out there cruising the malls, don’t just go up to her and beg for her home phone number. Suggest a glass of iced tea or lemonade – that’s what you want to do. Get your time in and then pitch her for the number. You’ve got to build some value when you’re in an anonymous, public place; otherwise you’re a step away from being a stalker. And Emanuel, you did it for a whole hour and a half. Great job – as long as you didn’t get carried away with yourself and tell her you were the new crown prince of Monte Carlo!
But why are you giving this hottie your phone number? When a woman hands you her card or writes her number down for you, you have to go straight into a hard interview, just like a good, tough love cop. “So, honey -- are you going to call me? When are you going to call me? What night? Let’s set up a time right now when you’re going to dial my digits.” Because do you know what you’re likely to hear in answer to those questions? “Uh…uh…uh…uh….” Guys, women never call! Why go through all that worthless rigmarole? Don’t give her your number. To you Psych majors, once you get her home phone number, beat it the heck out of there. You’ve closed the deal.
So, everything was perfect with your little Carmen Electra-look alike, except for one little glitch…that darned boyfriend. Gosh, they’re a pain, aren’t they? Here you two are getting along better than Jude Law and his nanny and it turns out Carmen’s the granddaughter of the dictator of North Korea! It’s gonna be tough getting her out of North Korea. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love would say, “But other than that, this girl’s all over you, right?”
My friend, the girl has to be available. I hate to have to inject such a heavy dose of truth into your life in one sentence, but she has to be available. And this girl is not available. Still, you made a good contact. So what we’re going to do is try and figure out a way -- if this boyfriend of hers takes a dive in the next couple of months – to be there to pick up all the pieces.
When she said she was seeing a guy, you should have asked in your best Danny DeVito voice, “How many guys?” You make a valid point about the strong connection the two of you had, but it’s really just a half-truth. You still have to figure out what her Interest Level in this turkey of hers is.
Another possibility is that she’s just being disloyal, and for you that’s not a good thing. Because what makes you think she wouldn’t be disloyal to you somewhere down the line? Or, maybe she has 95% Interest Level in her turkey and she also has low self-esteem, so she’ll take attention from anybody anywhere anytime. We got all these possibilities floating around, my friend, and that’s why I train you guys to think in terms of all the variables when you’re trying to get a read on a babe. You’re in training with me to become love detectives, and with time, you guys will start thinking like the cops on Love And Order.
Emanuel, you wouldn’t pursue a girl who’s in a serious relationship with someone else because she’s not available. But your Interest Level is up in the stratosphere and your ego is all involved with Carmen because she talked to you for 90 minutes, and so you’re going to act against your own common sense. If you asked Carmen if she was seeing anybody, and if she answered “Well, yes, but we’re breaking up at 8 o’clock tonight,” then it would be okay to forge ahead, because she was getting rid of her turkey and she’s available. Get it now?
You won’t appear arrogant by trying to move in on Carmen, you’ll just appear stupid. And like most men, you’re going to come on way too heavy too fast, and she’s already got somebody else!
Your game plan is to get this girl away from this guy. Remember, the odds are lousy, and you should still be chasing other girls. Until Carmen’s guy is history, you’re not going to think about her. You’re just going to play a little head game with her and see if you can get her to give your competition his walking papers.
The goal is not to be able to date Carmen -- that’s where you’re wrong, dude. If you start pressuring her for a date, she’ll say “I have a boyfriend -- I told you that, didn’t I?” and you’re dead in the water before you even get started. So what you’re going to do is this: you’re going to call her every two weeks. Hopefully she’ll call you back in between, and you’ll set up a coffee date. You’re going to meet her at Starbucks and drink coffee for 30 minutes MAXIMUM. Then you’re going to walk her to her car and try to give her a kiss. And then you’ll see what happens from there and how much she wants to talk about her turkey.
Manny, why are you talking about rejection? You spent 90 minutes with a girl who has a boyfriend! You have to get to nine dates with her without rejection before you even entertain the idea of where you stand. Like my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “You got the cart before the horse, boy!”
Remember, guys: when you meet her at Starbucks, make sure
you’re overdressed and wearing your best cologne.
Does Marc Anthony ever Worry about J-Lo's Past?
Hey Doc
HELP! I’ve messed up a great relationship and I don’t know if I want to or should try to repair it. Here’s the story.
I started dating Sharon six months ago. She’s 50, I’m 43. She has always shown a high level (90%) of interest in me and treated me well. In fact, she asked me out first. After five great months I discovered her romantic past was much more on the slutty side than I first assumed. When I asked about her past she’d always say “I don’t like to share my history,” but at the same time she said she hadn’t dated much. Well, Doc, I hate to admit this, but three weeks ago I developed a socially communicable disease, to put it as discreetly as I can. I asked Sharon to get tested for it, and the test came back positive. At that point I asked her to be less elusive about her romantic history and came to find out she’s had 25 partners. (My own history is only three partners, since I was married for a long time, until 1998.)
It came out that most of Sharon’s liaisons were one-night stands while she was on various vacations. Her last serious relationship started in 1989 and ended in 1995. She cheated on that guy with a one-nighter in Tahiti two months into their relationship. She claims it wasn’t cheating because they didn’t have an exclusivity agreement. (To me, being intimate with someone means you are exclusive.) For the rest of the time, she says, she was faithful. She also cheated three months into her only marriage back in 1974. This revelation of her promiscuity has had a devastating effect on my interest in her. She claims everyone was playing around “since it was the 80s” and doesn’t understand why this knowledge makes me feel like crap inside. I know this sounds like how a woman would think, but I just don’t feel special anymore.
We had a big talk about how this new information makes me feel, as well as my changed perception of her. (After peeking at her vacation diary, I realized Sharon was hitting on every French guy she had any interest in during a jaunt she took before meeting me.) But I don’t know what to do.
My question is, am I being too hard on Sharon’s history? Any ideas on why this knowledge is making me feel like crapola? Is there some way of changing my perception of her back to where it was? I haven’t dated since my divorce in ’98, not that I wasn’t looking, but I just didn’t seem to elicit any interest from anyone. My looks are on the weak side (I resemble David Letterman or Tom Hanks on his bad days), but I keep myself fit and have heard more than once that I look like the guys on the Calvin Klein underwear box. The problem is that most women are interested in a cute face!
Woodsie - who hates being one of 25
Hi Woodsie,
Of course you messed up this relationship. And the reason you did is because you haven’t memorized my rules. Otherwise you wouldn’t be in the predicament you’re in. And I haven’t even read your story yet!
So, Sharon asked you out first? I just got a nasty letter from a female saying how horrible it was that a guy waited to call her. But that girl is structured – your girl has high Interest Level. Sharon saw what she wanted and went after it. Isn’t it great, guys?
But let’s move on to your problem. You don’t really want to know about Sharon’s past, Woodsie. Because if she tells you she’s had any partners aside from you, she’s going to be a tramp, right? On the other hand, I’ve got to wonder what section of the Australian outback you’ve been living in all your life. You’re looking for a virgin who’s a half-century old? You’d have better luck getting a California jury to convict a celebrity! But here’s the most important point: I always tell you guys that it doesn’t raise Interest Level to talk about her past.
Now you’ve gone and contracted a socially communicable disease. Score one for the Christians! You messed around before marriage and you paid. Then you went back and tried to talk about Sharon’s past again. Talk about beating a dead horse. I mean, what’s the point? You already got the disease, pal. If Sharon had only one partner or she went to bed with the entire Southern Cal football team, what’s the difference? So she’s had 25 partners -- that’s not so bad. That means she only dated a guy for an average of two years before she dropped him.
You say you’ve only had three partners, Woodsie? If you break the Commandments, anything over zero is too many! The real problem is that you never figured out why your wife dumped you before you moved on to a new set of complications. Like my cousin General Love would say, “Soldier, you were unprepared for the battlefield of dating!”
Who cares if Sharon’s liaisons were one-night stands? She’s 50 years young -- what did you expect? This is what you’re going to get if you date in your own age range. To you Psych majors, college girls don’t want to be adopted by old geezers like us.
How do you know when your girl’s relationships began and ended? Would you bet your life on what Sharon’s been feeding you? All you have to know is that you got an infection from her, and I don’t care if she got it one night from one guy or from the U.S. Navy. Thank God she doesn’t leave out any of the gory details of her past!
You never asked Sharon if you two had an exclusive relationship when you jumped between the sheets with her. You can’t assume anything when it comes to women, buddy, and that’s the first thing you have to realize. And by the way, when you’re going to bed with someone, what does it mean? This lovely lady of yours could be sleeping with two guys at the same time. It’s sort of like when they pick up these vile child molesters. You read about their crimes and you ask yourself, “Why was this creep out of prison in the first place?” So you have to try and find out this stuff sooner. Remember what I’ve told you again and again: you guys have to be love cops on Love And Order.
Sharon’s promiscuity should have a devastating effect on your Interest Level in her, Woodsie, but not because she’s been out partying with the backfield. You should only be worried about the fact that you got a disease from her. And by the way, why isn’t she visiting the doctor regularly since she’s into dating entire battalions? When she told you about her adventures in the ’80s, you should have looked at her with sad eyes and said: “But honey, you’re the love of my life and you’re only 50. I thought you were new!”
Just because your girl gave you a social disease and you found out that she likes entertaining the rugby team, you don’t feel special anymore? It really bugs you? Why is that? I don’t understand it, myself. If you wrote to Dear Abby or Ann Landers, know what they’d tell you? “Typical selfish, insensitive man. You’re not giving enough of yourself to your poor woman! You’ve got to be more open and show your feelings!” To you Psych majors, beg her to take more jewelry.
Why are you shocked that Sharon is interested in every Frenchman who’s ever lived? She asked you out first, remember. So when she’s in France, she’s going to be chasing after half the male population. I guess you’re not so special after all.
But in the end, no matter what, you can’t change the past. Get off it. Look forward.
You’re not being too hard on Sharon’s past, dude. You’re just stupid. You should have inquired about a blood test and a marriage certificate before you went and got yourself all diseased. So forget about her – you have a bigger problem to worry about now.
You won’t be able to erase your new perception of Sharon as a trollop. Once it’s in your memory bank, it’s there forever, and what she told you about herself was way too big – it’s like an elephant standing in the kitchen. In her defense, you kept nagging her. And like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Only women are supposed to nag, didn’t you know that? It’s their divine right!”
So, Woodsie, go and memorize the Dating Dictionary, and once you’re clean and cured we’ll go out and get you someone who’s alive and breathing. And hopefully the next one hasn’t been out with a couple regiments of marines!
One last thing. Tom Hanks is nice-looking, so you’re a C or C plus in the looks department. But I hope you also have a personality, because Letterman doesn’t. And good thing you look like a Calvin Klein model. I’m impressed. You did one thing right out of 17!
Next time, don’t sin with a community project.
Remember, guys: there’s an old Cheyenne proverb that
says “Leave the past in the past.”
Does Bruce Willis ever Pine for Demi Moore?
Hey Doc,
I’m writing you for some sage advice on a serious situation in my life. I have asked many of my close friends for help with this, and they all give me conflicting answers, so I thought maybe some outside advice on this issue might help.
I’ve been divorced two and half years now from Emily (we were married for seven years, no kids), and am living with a new woman, Jill, who is just great. She’s totally into me and completely different in temperament and personality from Emily.
I, on the other hand, am still deeply in love with my ex. She was the one who wanted the divorce, and hasn’t spoken with me until just this past Christmas. At that time we finally got to talk about all our past issues. There was a moment in our conversation when she began to act like the woman I fell in love with years ago, and when she confronted me with the statement that “I hated her,” I broke down and confessed that I still loved her and always would.
Well, Doc, she was completely taken off guard and blurted out that she still had deep feelings for me, but was unsure of exactly how she felt and what, if anything, to do about it. She is currently seeing someone else too, and her concern seems to be focused on the fact that I’m living with another woman presently. She says that she doesn’t believe me when I say I still love her. I think this is because she systematically tried very hard to push me away when we were getting divorced.
Doc, I still love Emily and want her back desperately. I don’t want to hurt Jill, but my heart cries out for my ex. What the heck is a guy supposed to do in this situation? Is it possible to ever go back and start all over again?
Tiger - who has watched two worlds collide
Hi Tiger,
Your first problem is asking all of your “close friends” for advice. When it comes to love, I’M your close friend. I’m your ONLY close friend. And your old friends are your enemies. Why? Because they don’t know “The System.” So to start off, you’ve got everything back-asswards. These so-called friends of yours -- while I’m sure they have wonderful intentions -- give you confusing, conflicting answers because they’re all stupid when it comes to love. And that’s your problem, pal. I’m not the one who should be the source of “outside advice” when it comes to women -- your friends should be on the outside. Because they’re outside of reality.
So, these two flames of yours are as different as night and day. Meaning what? The only difference that’s obvious is that the babe you’re living in sin with, Jill, has 95% Interest Level in you, and the other one doesn’t. But that’s a BIG difference.
By the way, if you’re so deeply in love with your ex, what the heck are you doing misleading poor Jill? Why are you moving in with another person when you don’t care about her? Are you using her like a nurse in a convalescent home until you get well and then you’re going to hand her walking papers and break her heart? My rules say that we don’t use women. If we’re done learning from them or we don’t dig them, we don’t waste their time. Next!
Let’s move on to your main problem -- Emily, your lovely ex-wife. She was the one who wanted the divorce? Tiger, women are the ones who ALWAYS want the divorce! What planet have you been living on? Come on, guy, that’s about as basic as it gets!
She finally spoke to you last Christmas after two and a half years? What was she after, a present or something? When you two finally hashed out all your past issues, did she tell you about how you fatally lowered her Interest Level because you were all over her all the time and pressured her and treated her like your mommy?
No, she didn’t. She acted, at least for a few minutes, like the girl you fell in love with. Man, you have got to quit smoking the marijuana, please. Now think about this. You’re telling me you have 100% Interest Level in Emily -- and I believe you, Tiger, I believe you -- and she’s telling you that you hated her? Huh? Like my cousin Jethro Love would say, “That there’s the most convoluted declaration of love I ever heard!”
By the way, when you broke down and confessed to the divine Emily that you would always love her, did you grovel and beg, too? Did you get down and kiss her feet? Are you sure your name’s really Tiger? Because you’re acting more like a nice, tame little pussycat.
It’s fascinating that Emily used the word “unsure” when she was talking about her feelings for you. I’ve got news for you, my friend. She was lying like a Persian rug. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “No woman since Eve has ever been unsure.” The reality is that Emily hates you, Tiger, and not vice-versa.
Your ex is seeing someone else, too? That means she’s seeing two people -- you and this other stud-muffin. She entertained you for a half-hour at Christmastime and you went off into la-la land, dreaming about the good old days. All the while she’s in the arms of a new man, making out, grabbing him and everything else a woman does when she has high Interest Level in a guy. And like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love likes to say, “They would have done a lot more, but they didn’t have the time!”
And guess what? She’s not fantasizing about you, like most of you pitiful guys fantasize about your exes. But she says her main “concern” is that you’re living with another woman. Well, Tiger, she has to give you something. Women never tell the truth – which in this case is, “Guess what – I have low Interest Level in you!” Ever hear of WOMANESE? Check out my book. The entire dictionary of Womanese – the science of what they say versus what they mean – is included in the last chapter.
Here’s another thing, my friend. Emily DOES believe you when you say you still love her. She’s lying to you when she says she doesn’t. The problem is that she wants no part of you and your declarations of undying devotion (except for the momentary ego rush it gives her). The harder you push, the harder she rejects. And, oh -- you mean a woman pushes you away when you get divorced? Gee, I didn’t know that!
But after all this brutal spurning you’ve endured you still swear that you’re totally, desperately gone over your ex. Know what guy? “Desperately” is the worst word in the world. NOTHING IS WORSE IN A WOMAN’S EYES THAN A DESPERATE MAN. Why not try acting like a creature with a backbone for a change instead of being one more pathetic Wimpus Americanus?
So at the end of the day you’ve got one problem in your obsession with Emily, plus you’ve got your roommate – you’ve got to get rid of her, and that’s another problem. But you know what, buddy? I think you’re living with a good one – Jill -- right now. And you don’t even see it. Maybe you should open your eyes to what’s right in front of you in the present instead of living in the past. The past is over, in case you haven’t noticed. Like the great love doctor Sigmund Freud once wrote, “Why would you want to torture yourself over what’s finished and done? You got a problem or something?”
Remember, guys: never try and keep someone who
doesn’t want to keep you.
Would the Donald let Melania have Dinner with Another Guy?
Hey Doc,
I’ve been dating Samantha for two years and everything has been truly wonderful. I have followed your program to the letter. The 60 days of Challenge got her hooked, and then came the romance and affection. Samantha treats me like a king. Just the other day she gave me a card with a picture of a baby boy on the front. What she was telling me without coming out and saying it was how she really wants to marry me, and this is what our kid will look like. Now here’s the kicker, Doc. She even put a little money in it for me! She does stuff like this for me all the time. She even paid for my plane ticket to go and see her parents with her this past Christmas.
So what’s my problem? Well, it’s an issue related to Self-Control and jealousy. I know you said that jealousy is an absolute no-no and that guys have to have Self-Control at all times. Here’s what shakes mine.
Every month Samantha has to go out of town for two days to attend a seminar for her job. When she comes back, she tells me about this dude in her program who’s really cool and how they talk and then go out to dinner. Then she goes on to say she finally met someone in her seminar -- meaning him -- who isn't a total jerk (because everyone else in it is arrogant).
Now when she tells me all this, I play it cool. Samantha recounts how she showed my picture to this guy and told him all about how we met, and he in turn talks about his girlfriend.
I told her “That’s great,” but inside I’m thinking that this dude is trying to move in on my girl, know what I mean? Samantha’s actions show that she loves me, but I can’t help but think maybe I’m being hoodwinked here. I mean, how would I really know, right?
So Doc, am I just overanalyzing the situation? Am I being too paranoid? Am I worried over nothing, or am I letting myself get taken for a ride?
Jagger - who feels uneasy about those dinner dates
Hi Jagger,
Very cute, Samantha’s little card with the money stuck in it. And I’ll bet that was a pretty baby on the cover, too. All in all, a very nice scene except for one thing -- she talks to you about another guy? Hold it right there! That’s a big, huge rock in the middle of the road, man. You might think it’s just a ping-pong ball, but from where I’m sitting, it’s a boulder.
I’ve got news for you, Jagger. This dude Samantha’s been talking about has been “working” her. Here’s the scenario. He’s new and fresh, he looks sharp, he has a spiffy suit on, he out dresses everybody at the seminar, he’s coming off as funny as Chris Rock, and, worst of all, you’re not doing something right at home.
Know how I know? Samantha wouldn’t be talking about him otherwise. As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “When you make the cat purr all the time, she never wants to be petted by anyone else.”
Now let’s take apart what Samantha’s been feeding you about the seminar, piece by piece. Like I always tell you guys, this is the time to be like Detective Green on Law And Order, and you’re going to be a love cop on Love and Order. So run the evidence through your brain: “Now here’s a seminar room containing 38 people, right? And guess what? Every single one of them is ‘arrogant,’ except for this one guy. That leaves 37 arrogant people.”
Does it hold water? Or is your BS detector turning somersaults? How many times have you attended a class or social function and found that literally every one of the people in attendance have an attitude of some sort? None, right? (Of course we do have to discount fashion week in New York when the place is overrun by the likes of Naomi Campbell and Heidi Klum!) It doesn’t make sense, does it?
See what they do here, guys? When they shovel it, you eat, like dopes. To you Psych majors, you buy into their WOMANESE, which means they say one thing but mean something else, and that something else is far, far different from the actual truth. Check out the very last chapter of the Dating Dictionary. It’s all explained right there.
Jagger, you didn’t stand up for yourself and attack Samantha on her logic (or, more accurately, her lack of it), which is what you should have done from the get-go. And the guys who know when and how to do that are the guys who have memorized my principles.
So, the seminar dude talks about his girlfriend? Isn’t that sweet and considerate of him….Wow, this guy’s really good. He probably hasn’t had a date in six months, but he’s really slick and he knows how to sucker your Samantha in. As the singer Sade would say, “He’s a smooth operator.” You never even considered the possibility that he’s slinging the bull, too, did you? That’s why I know you haven’t done your homework, Jagger.
But here’s the thing that should really be bothering you, guy. Samantha lied to you, when she said that 37 out of 38 people in a room were arrogant, and her dinner date is the only one who isn’t. (And he also happens to be the best-looking guy there, just by accident!)
When you love somebody, you can’t lie to them. When you lie to them, it sucks all the love away. That’s what the Reality Factor says.
You’re not overanalyzing the situation, Jagger. You’re just misinterpreting everything about it. And hell yes, you should be paranoid over the fact that Samanatha spends all her free time when she’s on a business trip hanging out with another man and can’t stop talking about him when she gets back!
What you should have done was conducted a hard interview of Samantha when she started going on about her seminar stud. But you should have prefaced it with “By the way, I’m real happy you’re having a good time on your trips,” to disarm her and get the answers you needed. Then you should have asked, “By the way, how many dates have you had with this fellow?” And her answer would have gone something like this: “Well, actually, we’ve been having dinner both nights since the second seminar, and this last one was the eighth seminar. So that makes a total of 14 dinners now that I’ve had with this guy. Everyone else there is arrogant, but not him! (And oh, by the way -- he just happens to look like Mel Gibson!)”
And, my friend, at that point you would have realized you have a massive problem. And the problem may be that her Interest Level in you has skidded from 95% to 60%. This other guy is new and cool, using your girl’s own words, so he’s more attractive than you. So you have to ask yourself: “Am I being a Challenge? Do I allow her to touch me first? Do I wait for her to be affectionate? Does she still compliment me like in the good old days?”
And this is what you have to hope for: that this other guy really does have a girlfriend, and he’s just being nice to Samantha because they happen to get along and have business in common. Because you have to be able to trust your woman when she goes out of town. Otherwise, you’re in trouble.
Remember, guys: Doc Love doesn’t like it when she
talks about other men.
Did Brad have to Soothe Jennifer's Insecurities?
Hi Doc,
I’ve been a faithful reader of your columns for over three years now. I’ve tried to use your principles, especially being a Challenge, in my current relationship with June (we’ve been together for over two years), but it’s not working as well as I thought it would. There’s something wrong, but I don’t know what it is.
June and I met in our last year of college. We started dating after three weeks of getting to know each other as classmates. I used your techniques from the get-go and they worked! I appeared confident, decisive, and didn’t always give in to June’s whims. I guess that’s how we’ve been able to stay together, and she even moved to Taiwan from her homeland (Hong Kong) for me.
But this is where things might have gone wrong. June is an incredibly insecure girl. Let me give you an example. On our first date, which was lunch, we were at a restaurant where some of the customers at other tables were being noisy. Therefore I decided that we should leave. However, she interpreted this to mean that I didn’t care about her and acted stone cold for the rest of the evening. When I asked her what was wrong, she wouldn’t say a word. Finally her friends intervened and resolved the situation.
Another example is that she’ll compare the movies and novels she reads with her life and concludes that a guy should do anything for the girl he loves. Doc, since this is her first relationship, all she can compare me to are the men from the movies and books she’s read. So if I don’t measure up well (in her mind) to the fictional guys, she becomes fearful that I don’t love her enough. Then she’ll try and catch my attention by acting really sad and angry, and I have to spend hours comforting her and reassuring her that I care a lot for her.
The problem is now worse, because June moved across the ocean to be with me, which means she has even higher expectations and demands from our relationship. The slightest imperfection or misunderstanding can cause her to worry and doubt the relationship. And since she is so insecure, she tries to save face by terminating the relationship first.
Whenever she pulls this tactic, however, she ends up crying and regretting what she said and did. Doc, I’m at wit’s end. How do I deal with such a sensitive and insecure girl? If I remain a Challenge, she’ll think I don’t compare with the romantic “wussies” from the Hollywood movies. Does being a Challenge work for a girl with low self-esteem and insecurities?
Help!
Mick - who got himself into a mess and doesn’t know how to get out
Hi Mick,
Before we get into the heart of your fix, I want to point something out. When you appear confident, it doesn’t matter what country the woman’s from, as you’ve demonstrated here. She can be from Mongolia or she can be from Montana, but all women, all over the world, want a confident, decisive guy.
Secondly, you mentioned that June wanted to do things that you didn’t. So how did you handle it? You compromised a little. You gave some ground to her, but to the rest of her demands you said NO. So I want to thank you for writing that sentence. Most guys would just read it and not give it a second thought, but there is a lot of power in it, and like Fast Eddie Love would say, “Dude, you showed that you have some real cojones.” Mick, there doesn’t have to be any guessing on your part about why you two stayed together. Your ability to take a stand and say NO is definitely the reason.
When a woman moves for you – in your case, across the South China Sea – that indicates high Interest Level. What you have to do is keep the Interest Level high – that’s the hard part. But at the same time, you have to have something to work with. And sadly, you don’t have that here. I’ll explain a little later.
When you left the restaurant, Mick, did you tell June why? Did you say, “Honey, let’s go find a place that’s a little more quiet?” Apparently you didn’t explain it to her, or she didn’t hear it. She pouted when you left, though, and that’s the most problematic thing here. This “mature” woman that you’re in love with acts like a seven-year-old. And like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “When they act like seven-year-olds and you live with them, that means they’re HIGH MAINTENANCE, baby!” And of course that means you have to put up with lots of stuff. Oh, it’ll be cute for a couple of months, but then you know what happens? It becomes a real drag. The celebrity news is full of high-maintenance babes. Think J-Lo. Think Liz Taylor. Think Raquel Welch. That’s 15 marriages among them – and counting. Think those three beauties are easy to keep satisfied? To you Psych majors, think again.
Mick, if your girl has trouble confusing crappy entertainment with real life, you should be showing her Cary Grant films. When she wants to read, give her The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand so she can get to know Howard Roark. Between the two, she’ll get an idea of how a real man acts. What you’re telling me here is that if you don’t crawl around on your hands and knees and beg, and tell her everything is perfect all the time (when you’re really miserable) like the wussies in the movies and romance novels do, she can’t handle it. Sounds like your girl is in tune with reality, buddy!
But wait a minute here, Mick. After you have the guts to stand up – at least some of the time -- to this girl, you then turn around and spend hours begging? You spend hours playing nursemaid? And you call yourself a Challenge when you’re down on your knees “reassuring” and “comforting” your unhappy princess? Is that what you’re telling me here, Mister Consistent Confidence? Get a grip, man!
So, she has even bigger expectations of your relationship? Tough! You don’t care about her expectations – and you’re not going to meet them. It’s time for her to grow up, or pack her bags and don’t let the door hit her in the you-know-what on her way out.
When June gets all insecure and sniveling and asks you where you’ve been, tell her “I’ve been out on a date with another woman.” If she bitches that she doesn’t like that kind of talk from you, you then say “Well, don’t bring it up, babe! It’s time for you to grow up. I’m sick and tired of you acting like a second-grader!”
And when she tosses a hissy fit and terminates the relationship, tell her “Honey, every time you leave you come back. Don’t you feel a little funny pulling that lame act, huh?”
Mick, what it boils down to is that this girl is a mess, and how she got her hooks into you I’ll never understand. Remember what I’ve told you guys again and again about making sure she’s clinically sane before you get involved. You’d be surprised how many girls out there aren’t. To you Psych majors, you have to be very, very careful from the get-go and not let her luscious bee-stung lips and legs that go on forever obscure what you’re really seeing.
Here’s how you deal with June. You sit her down and give her a talk. You tell her to grow up or shove off! It’s her problem if she compares you unfavorably with the romantic wussies on the silver screen. Because you’re not going to play along with it. You’re not going to cater to her. You’re going to do what’s right. Because like my Uncle Jethro Love puts it, ”Golly! You ain’t even got married yet! Once you tie that knot, it’s really going to be fun, boy!”
So the answer to your question, pal, is yes, using Challenge on June did work. It showed you that she’s no good for you. Challenge always works when it comes to women. ALWAYS.
Remember, guys: begging only lowers Interest Level.
Does Russell Crowe Ever Let a Babe Get to Him?
Before I ask my question, I want to thank you for all the great advice and time you put into helping out all of us guys.
My dilemma is more painful than I’d like to admit, and I really need some good advice on this. I’ve been with a beautiful young woman named Stephanie for nearly four years now. I’m a civil engineer in my late twenties and she’s almost through college on a full scholarship. Our relationship has been quite possibly as good as it can get. In these four years we have never gotten into a fight or even a loud quarrel. We have been talking about marriage and our financial future is secure.
Now here’s the part that just baffles me. Up until a month ago our relationship was absolutely great, we told each other everything, and we were still crazy for each other in every way. (My friends couldn’t understand how we were all over each other after four years like we’d just met.) Well, for the past few weeks Stephanie has suddenly been in a hurry on the phone and sort of ignoring me at times. The reason for this – and I found out from her – is that a guy has been trying to get her to date him. This guy is only 18 and works at a fast food restaurant! The guy and I know each other, by the way.
Needless to say, I’m furious, but did not show my anger towards Stephanie. After all, I’m angry with the other guy, not her. Just yesterday I found out that this guy, who is apparently very persistent, invited himself and a friend to go with Stephanie and her friends to the mall and the movies. After the movie he pulled her towards him and kissed her. She said it threw her for a loop – as in surprised, not as in fireworks.
But now she isn’t sure if we should separate and try dating other people! Needless to say, I feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest. Actually, I’ve not felt this kind of pain since my own father died when I was 11, and that is a lot of pain.
Please give me some advice if you can, Doc. I feel completely torn apart and devastated, which is funny since I’m a big guy who played football and you’d never know how I feel by looking at me. I can’t seem to clear all the confusion in my mind. My perfect relationship with this Beautiful Woman has been changed overnight.
Please let me know what you think about all this. Thanks in advance.
Swiftie - who doesn’t know if he can deal with it
Hi Swiftie,
I’m not only helping guys, pal. I’m also helping out lots of other people – like all the ladies of the world. Why? Because I’m trying to make Cary Grants out of you apes.
Now wait a minute here. You’ve been going out with Stephanie for four years and you never had a disagreement? As my cousin Jethro Love would say, “There’s a problem here, my boy!” Because there has to be a reason – and not a good reason – you two never had it out even once. Is it because you’ve always given in, like a nice Wimpus Americanus? Is it because you’ve been doing the perfect imitation of a doormat? Did you just go along with whatever Stephanie wanted from day one? Or did she give in to you all along but deep down inside resented it – and, eventually, you?
Your financial future might be as sewn up as Bill Gates’, Swiftie, but I wouldn’t count on anything else if you marry this girl. Not having even one air-clearing argument in four years is a BIG RED FLAG.
You say you told your girl everything. And now you’re sitting there telling me my advice is great, but you know that one-third of my program says that you guys have to keep your mouths shut and be a Challenge. So what’s the deal -- have you followed my rules, or only Stephanie’s wishes?
Here’s another, more devious problem you have and don’t even know it: when Interest Level starts heading south, WOMEN FAKE IT. When Stephanie’s Interest Level was tumbling from a lofty 95% to 85%, she only pretended it was 85%, but it was really 75%. And when she got tired of faking it, all of a sudden it appeared to drop from 75% to 45%. But that was an illusion too, because it really didn’t drop that fast. It was falling slowly and steadily, like a mountain stream, and in your case it could have been falling as far back as a year, even a year and a half ago.
I just wish Stephanie would have been all over you more, and you’d been all over her a little less during those four years, and you wouldn’t be in this predicament now. Nevertheless, you definitely lowered her Interest Level, Swiftie. You did something wrong, big-time. And that’s your problem in a nutshell.
But let’s move on to your immediate impasse anyway. Now just look at your logic here. Some guy wants to take Stephanie out on a date. You said she was beautiful, so what’s the surprise? She can have three dates a night if she wants to. When other guys are after Stephanie, your insurance is her 95% Interest Level in you. So, like I said, you had to have lowered her Interest Level. That’s why it’s impossible to steal a girl. Actually “stealing” a girl would be swiping someone who has 95% Interest Level in a guy – but that doesn’t happen. It can’t happen. Her Interest Level has to be south of the border for her to be so vulnerable to being kidnapped in the first place.
Here’s something else to consider. This new guy may only work at a fast-food restaurant, but maybe he has a personality and you don’t. Maybe you’re a boring engineer and you don’t even know it. So don’t be angry with this kid. He’s done nothing wrong. And, as I said, apparently Stephanie is receptive to him. You’re the kind of guy who discovers his wife with her lover and then shoots the lover instead of her! And then the guy kills himself and the woman walks away scot-free and marries the cop. It’s stupid, dude! (Now I don’t want all you Feministas out there getting your knickers in a twist. I’m not saying that any woman should be shot – no one should ever be shot.) But why do men go after the other guy who moved in? Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “After all, it was the woman who chose the new meat!”
Regarding the whole mall/movie episode, you have to come to grips with this fact, Swiftie: Stephanie had to tell Mister Burger King what she and her friends were planning that night. And what the heck is she doing rapping to this guy, especially when she knows he’s coming on to her? Why is she so amenable to his charms when she doesn’t have time to talk to you on the phone? Know why? To you Psych majors, because her Interest Level is circling in the sink, that’s why!
Swiftie, I’ll tell you one thing – I couldn’t teach your 18-year-old rival very much. He might only flip cheeseburgers for a living, and he might still be living at home with his mommy and daddy, but he gets an A+ in Women 101! This guy has you breaking up with Stephanie after a single kiss? Wow -- he is a firecracker!
What you have to get through your head, buddy, is this: your heart started to rip apart a year and a half ago. Interest Level doesn’t take a swan dive overnight. It disappears in slow, steady increments. You might have owned this girl for a long, long time, but you dated her when she was between 18 and 22. Like Fast Eddie Love says, “I don’t trust any girl between 18 and 22 with my Interest Level.” Find yourself somebody 25 or 26 years young. And you are going to have to find somebody else for yourself now, I’m sorry to say.
And I’m also truly sorry you’re going through such pain, guy. There’s no worse torture in life than being rejected by a woman you worship. But as I pointed out before, a lot of guys love my advice, brag about how smart I am, and then don’t follow my advice. I can give you a helpful hint, and then a certain sticky situation will arise and you won’t follow it. So, guys memorize the Dating Dictionary or forget women.
Swiftie, your perfect relationship wasn’t wrecked overnight. But on the other side of the coin you have to remember that Time is mankind’s greatest healer.
Remember, guys: romantic love takes constant
vigilance.
Does Mick Jagger Carry a Checklist of What Not to Do?
Hey Doc,
After all these years of reading your column, I can honestly say that I’ve never gotten tired of it and have learned so much from you that I would regard myself as on the road to mastery, if such a thing can ever be achieved when it comes to the opposite sex. And now, having you on the radio is an even bigger bonus! I hope you become more popular than Howard Stern! Lord knows it would help all the hapless guys in the world. Which leads me to my request.
I watch many of my friends blow it with women they really want. Sadly, I had to place myself in this same category, until, as I said, I discovered your techniques and transformed myself from a loser with women into a winner. And I’ve seen my buddies do it all – call their women too often, indulge their whims with expensive gifts and dinners, and then kiss their lovely butts after the women treated them like crap and rejected them for other, less worthy guys. It’s been an ugly sight to behold, Doc.
I wonder if you would grace us with a list of the top behaviors that make a woman’s Interest Level drop. Then we could all print the column out and paste it onto our computers or carry it in our wallets as a sort of “first watch” checklist. You know, something along the lines of “TOP DEADLIEST MISTAKES MEN MAKE TO FORCE A WOMAN’S INTEREST LEVEL INTO THE TOILET” -- that sort of thing. Seriously, I think it would be of aid to millions of men the world over. And there’s a hidden agenda for me here, too. I’m dating a woman now who’s a 9.5 and I don’t want to make some of the blunders I’ve made in the past.
Anyway, thanks again for all your help, Doc. You are truly the greatest love doctor who ever lived.
Payton - who’d like to see it all spelled out
Hi Payton,
It is actually possible to achieve mastery when it comes to the opposite sex, my friend. Of course such mastery isn’t achieved overnight. It takes months, years, of work to come even close to handling women. But I want you to go back in time and think about the day the Dating Dictionary arrived in your mailbox and you were just unwrapping it. Do you remember how clueless you were about the girls at that moment? Now, how much do you know about the fairer sex today? There’s your answer. That’s what’ll tell you how far you’ve come. And, no doubt, if you’ve memorized my book and put its principles into practice like an accomplished artist, you’re a heck of a lot better off than you were back then.
Like my cousin Brother Love says, “TRUTH, not falsehood, leads to wisdom and awareness.” And that’s my job – to lift the fog for you guys. What you’re saying, Payton, is that my techniques have brought you closer to holding your own in the war. And make no mistake, as my cousin General Love says, “It’s total war out there!”
So congratulations on turning yourself from a loser to a winner. And on your road to mastery, I’m sure you learned the truth of whether the lovely and beautiful Beth O is with Howard Stern because of his drop-dead good looks or because of that half-a-billion-dollar contract he’s going to be bringing down from satellite radio.
You talk about the “less worthy” guys your friends lost their women to. Actually, they only appear to be less worthy. Deep down, they’re really bad guys. And some ladies dig bad guys, because they’re what we call “Negative Challenges.” Why do you think a wrinkled old coot like Jack Nicholson still attracts female attention?
But yes, you’re right, the torture that guys are subjected to at the hands of the ladies is ugly to behold, buddy. But isn’t it funny that when you finally get hip to what’s really going on, it all becomes as clear as day? You go out to a club and you notice that the girls are yawning and looking around the room with absolutely no Interest Level, and the guys hitting on them are making fools of themselves, and they don’t even see it even though their faces are a mere 18 inches apart. But you see it, dude. Amazing, isn’t it?
So, you’d like to see a list of the main things that lower Interest Level…. Well, have you ever noticed that 90% of the time guys don’t get past the first date and can’t score a second date? Why is that? After all, she went out with you and appeared to have a good time (or at least you thought she did) -- so what the heck happened? What did you do wrong?
Paste the following boners up on your computer screen:
YOU TALK TOO MUCH. Most guys yak way too much. They talk about things that don’t raise Interest Level. They don’t even think to ask themselves, “Is this going to help my cause?” No, they just blabber. Quit blabbering, guys.
YOU TALK DOWN TO THE WOMAN. In reality, she’s twice as smart as you are. Now how intelligent is that?
YOU BS. You all know that my articles are rated GP, so I have to say this as delicately as possible: guys fling the horse manure. And here’s the problem with BS – she’s got built-in radar. She knows when you’re telling the truth. She knows how to perceive sincerity. She knows that you weren’t really an all-state first-team quarterback and that you’re not writing bestselling novels under a pseudonym.
YOU TALK ABOUT SEX. It’s a turn-off. It might work in Hollywood movies, but it turns out that the girl you’re taking out is conservative. She actually goes to church and she’s a nice girl. The last thing she wants to hear from you is bad dialogue out of a porn flick. Yet you insist on doing your worst imitation of Ron Jeremy. Drop it.
YOU DON’T WALK ERECT. Don’t laugh. This falls under the heading of personal grooming. Some guys don’t walk – or look -- like human beings. It might have worked for Keith Richards when he snagged his hot young model wife, but then again, you don’t have his zillions in the bank. And don’t forget to get a haircut, take a good shower (and use soap), and make sure you don’t have holes in your wardrobe. It’s basic, but lots of men forget the basics. It’s like trying to play basketball without knowing how to dribble or shoot. On the other hand, if you’re in the band, it doesn’t matter – the dirtier the better.
Above all, keep your mouth shut unless it’s light and funny. For more tips, check out my books.
Remember, guys: unless it lifts her Interest Level, why
are you talking about it?
Would Katie Holmes be too Busy to Return Tom's Calls?
Hey Doc,
Let me first say that I don’t doubt your veracity and expertise as the greatest love doctor of all. However, recently, while surfing the web, I stumbled on another love doctor whose name I won’t mention. He wrote an intriguing article on “confident persistence” (I’m sure you’ve read it), and this is why I’m writing you.
This other love doctor spoke of the idea that most women, upon meeting a guy, do not necessarily display extreme high interest, even if they are interested, and that they may also display your typical female distractions, i.e., date-breaking, unreturned phone calls, etc. I think of myself as a pretty smart young fellow and although I am a novice in the area of romance, his assessment struck a chord in me. The world today is lot busier and complicated than it used to be, and affairs of the heart and romance are not the highest priority on everyone’s list anymore -- and this includes even men. Therefore, meeting someone new can either take second place to work and career or make us more wary of affairs of the heart.
So my question is this: should a guy “persist with confidence” when he’s interested in a woman, even if she seems not all that focused on him at the start? Maybe she’s just so busy that she can’t concentrate on the guy at first, but his continued attentions will bring her around. Make sense?
As much as I like and am compelled to follow your advice, I am also one who does not like to rule out the possibility of alternatives. (No one theory is foolproof!) I have just received the Dating Dictionary and am in the early stages of memorizing it. In time, you can even put me to the test to see if I am up to snuff. But now I’m putting you to the test, Doc. If you are who you say you are, then the possibility of “deviations” to your “System” should be welcomed.
P.S. I have a question about the answering machine. I know it’s a mistake to leave a message on a woman’s machine asking for a date. Should I say, “Please give me call back,” or should I hang up as soon as her angelic voice says she “can’t be reached right now?”
Thanks. Always a pleasure.
Gary - who’s trying to make sense of it all
Hi Gary,
Thanks for the letter and your generous words. Now let me set you straight on a few things.
It’s true, as your other love doctor says, that some babes won’t display extreme high interest when meeting a guy. Most, however, will display at least some buying signals if they’re interested. But the point is this: you’ve got a lot of work to do if the girl’s Interest Level is 55%, versus the 75% or 80% she’ll show you straight out of the chute if you happen to be a cover boy for Esquire magazine.
But where I disagree 100% with your other love doctor is on the subject of date-breaking. No girl with true positive Interest Level – meaning 51% or higher -- is going to break a date. Because a broken date is all about low Interest Level, in other words, Interest Level below 50%. And like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Which means she ain’t interested at all, and no amount of chasing her is going to change that.”
So, Gary, we can agree on one point your other dating coach makes, but then on a crucial matter, he’s dead wrong. That’s why I tell you guys that until you have my stuff down cold, you shouldn’t be fooling around with quacks. They might have a decent idea here and there, I’m not saying they don’t, but you can’t make a good decision about what to keep and what to discard because you’re not ready. And remember that their notions are just that, ideas, where on the other hand I’ve been in the trenches interviewing the real thing – women -- for decades. Like my cousin Doctor Freud once said, “Theory is no substitute for practice.”
And your other love doctor is off-target on the topic of unreturned phone calls, too. Here my rule is simple: you shouldn’t be leaving messages to return in the first place -- PERIOD. If you’re such a smart fellow, Gary, why are you leaving voice mails when my book says not to? To you Psych majors, you do not want to appear to be a clueless desperado.
You, a novice in the area of romance, Gary? Gosh, you’re kidding! I would never have known! Wow, you had me fooled! But seriously, the other love doctor struck a chord in you because you wanted to believe him. It’s your ego reacting here, and as you guys know, you have to set your ego aside when it comes to the opposite sex. You might want to think that you can win Angelina Jolie over, but without the required Interest Level, it’s not happening. The Reality Factor says that once your ego is involved, you can’t see clearly, and that’s because you want to see things your way.
The world might be busier and more complicated than it used to be, but so what? Two and two still equals four the last time I checked. So I dispute totally that romance is a lower priority in today’s world. If a woman wants to get married and have babies, and if a guy is lonely and he’d do anything to get a woman…well, think about what will happen. Between those two factors, romance and love is going to be a high priority. Hey, even Donald Trump finds time to get hitched, doesn’t he?
The reason women don’t return phone calls is not because of their obsession with their careers. It’s because of LOW INTEREST LEVEL. When a woman returns a call, she has HIGH INTEREST LEVEL. I know this is real hard for most guys to grasp, but it’s the truth. And that’s what is great about the Bottom Line Factor – all you have to do is bottom-line her actions. Nevertheless, like I said before, you shouldn’t be leaving phone messages.
If a woman doesn’t give you the time of day at the start, it depends on what you mean by “at the start.” The simplest and most effective way to gauge Interest Level is to go up to her, get her name, make her laugh and then ask her the magic question: “Caprice, what’s your home phone number?” That’s your display of confident persistence, and it stops right there.
Whether or not Caprice gives you or doesn’t give you the number doesn’t make a lick of difference. But it is the moment of truth, and you don’t need any more in the way of tactics or strategies to figure out where you stand. If Caprice coughs up some lame excuse, anything other than the seven digits you asked for, it’s “Nice talking to you, Caprice.” You smile, shake her hand, and walk off into the sunset.
So, should you show continued attentions to a girl who seems to be distracted? Gary, Gary, Gary. Golly, you’ve got a long way to go. Let’s say there’s a Victoria’s Secret model standing right in front of me, but I’m so busy and preoccupied with other business that she hardly registers on my radar screen, and I just can’t pay any attention to her. Uh, right. Does THAT make any sense?
Is any love doctor foolproof? In the immortal words of my cousin Fast Eddie Love, “Doc Love comes the closest!” Guy, your letter tells me that you’re in the very, VERY early stages of memorizing the Dating Dictionary. If you want me to test you on what you know, get back to me in about seven years.
There are no deviations from “The System.” I call these little side issues the “advanced class.” For instance, there might be fine distinctions between the concepts of Confidence and Challenge, and these will be explored after the Dating Dictionary is already memorized. You’ll then get what I call puffs of wisdom from all your study and you’ll know the right answer. So they’re not deviations, dude. Let’s call them subsets of my rules.
Finally, regarding the answering machine let me reiterate. It’s a mistake -- FOREVER -- to leave a message. Why don’t you just yelp instead like a little puppy and beg her to PLEASE LOVE ME -- in doggie talk.
Remember, guys: when they like you, they help you.
Would Elvis Trust his Intuition?
Hi Doc,
First let me say THANKS, because I’ve learned so much from you!
I’m 26 years old; currently unemployed, and have never had a long-term relationship with a girl. While on vacation with my friend recently we saw lots of girls in restaurants, bars, theaters, even in church. My friend is a scientist, very articulate, and has a girlfriend (who he cheats on, incidentally), and whenever we encountered a female he would encourage me to go up to her and get her phone number. If I’m interested in a girl I naturally take the initiative and try and get her number. But I also have this “sixth sense” that tells me whether a girl is interested in me and prevents me from wasting my time chasing a lost cause. My friend kept urging me to forget my intuition and just go up to her and get her number. His philosophy is that I should get as many numbers as I can, don’t put all my eggs in one basket (which I tend to do by getting fixated on one girl at a time) and that way I won’t get hurt.
Anyway, while we were on this vacation I caved in to his nagging and approached a girl at a nearby table in a pub and asked for her number. Now I’m not shy, and excuse me for being pessimistic, but from previous experience I was convinced that this girl wasn’t going to give me her number. She hadn’t been looking at me, for one thing. My friend said he’d accompany me to the table when I went.
We both went over, made some small talk, and then I asked for her number. Surprisingly, she gave it to me, but frankly, I’m still questioning why she did. I figure she must be playing with me since I can sometimes be naïve on the uptake in social situations. She lives about an hour away, and it’s been a few days and I haven’t called her yet.
The reason I’m writing you is that I feel that I know myself and pick up on girls’ lack of signals to me, but my friend is always after me for not taking opportunities that supposedly present themselves. I hate feeling pressured to have to do something when I don’t think it’s going to succeed. Am I being too down on myself? Any advice you could give me on this conflict would be deeply appreciated.
Walker - who doesn’t like to go against his instincts
Hi Walker,
First of all, thanks for the thank you.
Now, my friend, are you out there pounding the pavements for a job 10 hours a day? I certainly hope so. What are you saying to all these girls you’re meeting when they ask where you work? Are you telling them you’re between careers? At 26 years old, I hope you’re not telling them you’re waiting to hear on your application at the local Burger King. To you Psych majors, they only want to know you when you own 38 or more franchises.
Walker, if your buddy gets away with cheating on his girl, you can learn a lot from this guy, though the two of you have it only half right. It’s good that he encourages you to be aggressive and get home phone numbers, but he should be the point man. In other words, he should have gone and rapped to the girl in the pub in place of you. Since he has nothing to lose, he could have sized her up and you wouldn’t have to have been involved. The way it stands now, he’s happy to make you go to war, but he doesn’t want to carry the gun himself. So he should take the point and back you up. He’s a cheater, right? Approaching girls is no skin off his nose.
Taking the initiative and getting the girl’s home phone number is what you should always do. But regarding this so-called “sixth sense” of yours, you have to ask yourself: are you 100% right on? Or are you usually right, or just sometimes right? My principles state that if a babe is standing there and it’s no big deal to move in on her, then you should approach her like a gentleman, strike up a conversation, and ask her for the home phone number.
And forget about getting “fixated,” dude. What in the world are you thinking? Have you noticed how many attractive girls are running around out there? When you’re going with a girl for six months and she dumps you, then you can get hurt and cry. But when a girl turns you down for a home phone number, you can’t get all sensitive. Like my cousin General Love says, “Do you have any idea how far you have to go in this war, soldier? You better buck up!”
Walker, you’re manufacturing a big problem here. Dating is a numbers game. As we say in sales, you’re not going to close every deal. And guys, you have to remember NEVER TO TAKE WOMEN PERSONALLY.
Most girls give you buying signals. But a small minority don’t. And maybe this girl you were after, Walker, was the ultra-conservative type, and she didn’t want to appear cheap trying to pick up a guy in a pub who’s on welfare. (You better land a job fast. When you’re gainfully employed again you’ll walk more erect and the girls will notice and send you positive signals.)
But you did go up to this honey anyway. Good for you. And she gave you her home phone number. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “So much for your intuition!” Intuition doesn’t lie, but you have to know how to read it.
Nevertheless, the fact that she gave you the number means nothing; so don’t worry about whether or not she’s just playing with your head. Until you get to nine dates with a girl, none of this preliminary stuff means anything. You’re just getting started here. And since you’ve never been with a girl for a long time, you’ve got a lot to learn.
You say you’re naïve. Why are you laying this trip on yourself, pal? Don’t worry about whether or not you’re reading her signals correctly. You’re just going to Starbucks for half an hour to check her out. You’re not giving this girl a whole night of your time and dropping $68.50. You’re buying her a fancy grande latte for $10.00 and a $5 tip -- because you’re a guy who knows how to tip, even though you’re on the unemployment compensation queue every other week.
Your friend’s right about the fact that you’re not capitalizing on opportunities. But the odds aren’t so good the way you’re doing it. It’s always better to go after a girl who’s giving you buying signals. But if you’re out on the town and you can get a number, how long does it take? Twenty seconds, that’s all. No big deal. Like I said, it’s a numbers game. You have to go through a lot of them before you find the right one. And you never know where or when that’s going to happen, so it’s best to try as many as possible.
My friend, you’re being way, way too down on yourself. Are you sure you read my book? You have to stop being so scared of women, that’s your main problem, and the first step in overcoming your fear is committing the Dating Dictionary to memory so that you’re armed and ready for anything. (And again, let me remind you that you were wrong about the girl in the pub, because she gave you her number. So much for your negative instincts.)
Remember, guys: until you do your homework,
nothing’s going to happen.
Did Sinatra Ever Come on Heavy?
Hey Doc,
This is going to take some time because you always say you want as many details as possible.
I’ve been an avid user of your principles for about two years now. Your book has more than paid for itself and I’m finally with someone I really enjoy being with. Haley is the girl in the office who everyone wanted. We started dating nine months ago, and recently my contract took me elsewhere, so we’re no longer working together. Haley is in her early thirties and I’m in my late twenties. We’re in month number 10 and up until now, everything has been going really fine. As of late I started to notice a little less affection, but nothing major. So I increased the Challenge level and waited for the cruise that we were scheduled to take to determine if something was wrong.
The cruise went well, and Haley’s Interest Level seemed back up. Until I attempted to propose, that is. She wouldn’t let me, and afterwards said she thought I was just kidding. Things went downhill fast. The Monday after our cruise, she refused to let me stay at her place, the first time that’s ever happened. I withdrew and didn’t contact her until Friday, our planned date night. As we were driving to our destination, she said she was feeling sick and we should probably rain check it. At this point, sirens and alarms were going off, so I whipped around and we had a heart-to-heart in her parking lot.
Haley said we weren’t ready to be engaged. She also said that on that previous Monday a strange man had come into her apartment and he wouldn’t leave until she threatened to call the police, and she complained that I didn’t seem to care when she told me. I protested that I was both scared for her and angry that she wouldn’t let me stay with her that night. She went on to say that our relationship wasn’t “deep” enough and that I seem to be playing a role and not sharing “all” of myself with her.
I told her I would try and be more open and honest, and mentioned that she didn’t always tell me what she was feeling either. I told her I wouldn’t beg for her attention or settle for table scraps from her. And that if it had come to this, it was probably over.
She seemed to warm up after that conversation, and we went on an alternate date and then spent the weekend together. She seems to be coming around, but I’m at a loss for what to do next. Should I keep withdrawing and playing my “System role” or should I be more open and let her know my feelings?
Haley also said our relationship has been all “fun and games” and that we haven’t gotten serious enough to make a lifetime commitment. In the past she said that she wouldn’t be comfortable marrying someone before dating them for at least a year, so I’m assuming I just jumped the gun by trying to pop the question. But I want to know how I can maintain this relationship and how I should move forward.
Pierce - who’s fumbling for his next move
Hi Pierce,
You noticed a little less affection from Haley and you call it “nothing major?” A little less affection from your woman is always major, pal. What other signal would you wait for to realize that you’re in trouble? That was your first boo-boo. You shouldn’t have had to increase your Challenge level – it should have been perfect to begin with. Which means you weren’t being a Challenge at all. When you first picked up those negative vibes from Haley you should have picked up the phone and deep-sixed the sea cruise. When Interest Level starts bottoming out, you’re out.
Haley’s Interest Level after the cruise was back up, all right – temporarily. And dude, you never ask a woman to get married. You have to wait two years before you even approach a decision like that. The rule is that you can get engaged at the end of two years, and that’s when she’s so in love with you she can’t stand to wait anymore and has to be around you all the time. Guys, you’re going to check her Interest Level for 60 days, then for the next 22 months you’re going to study her Attitude.
But you’re telling me that you didn’t exactly have nine months and two weeks of bliss and then all of a sudden, boom, in the space of two weeks Haley’s Interest Level plummeted like a dud NASA spaceship from 95% to 51%. (Or worse, from 95% to 49%, in which case there’s no point in even discussing this any further.) You practiced my principles for about six to eight months. And then, like most stupid guys, you said to yourself, “Heck, I don’t need that stuff anymore.” And you know what the good book says: “Pride cometh before the fall.” And that’s what happened here – you fell asleep at the wheel and Haley’s Interest Level pooped. And it pooped over a long period of time.
In light of those facts, of course Haley thought your marriage proposal was a joke. It was a stall technique on her part. She wished you were joking, don’t you get it? And why isn’t she accepting your ring? Because her Interest Level is swirling around the bottom of the toilet, about to make its way out to sea.
In essence, you proposed to a woman who had no interest in you. You don’t do that. And guy, things didn’t go downhill fast. They started going downhill three miles back. It wasn’t a steep mountain her Interest Level toppled off; it was a long, long road with a small downhill grade. Are you sure you read my book?
But you insisted on compounding your errors, didn’t you? You shouldn’t have tried to stay at her place. You should have just dropped her off and beat it the hell out of there. Why would you try to stay somewhere you weren’t wanted? Wow -- you’re as bad as the runaway bride’s jilted fiancé who still wants her! Heck, you shouldn’t have even kissed Haley good night! Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “This is war, amigo!”
After that debacle, there was no point in contacting her -- ever. What you should have done instead was change your phone number. When you have problems with a girl, you don’t have a planned date. If everything were going great guns, then okay. Like most men you gave away the store and took a lot for granted -- including Haley.
Know why your girl got sick on you? Low Interest Level. I’m dead serious. Like my cousin Doctor Love says, “When she’s sitting there with a guy she doesn’t like, low Interest Level can actually make a girl sick to her stomach.” And that’s what happened to poor Haley. She was stuck with a guy she didn’t want and her belly was doing somersaults.
Sirens and alarms went off in your brain? Why? The building had already burned down! The fire department got the call hours ago. A heart to heart in her parking lot? What you mean, Pierce, is that you turned to begging. Now you’re going to grovel. You’re not going to be funny and light. Go ahead, be real serious with her now, this is really going to help your cause! Yeah, right. Guess what? You can’t raise her Interest Level once it hits 49%. It’s not coming back.
Did you ask Haley why you couldn’t be engaged? Did you ask if it was because her Interest Level is below 50%? Did you get in her face and demand, “Come on, Haley, give it to me straight, tell me the truth for once!” Nah, you didn’t, because you were chicken, and you needed to beg.
And you could have gone further. You could have asked her for specifics on the role you were allegedly playing. What does she want you to share with her, exactly? Regardless, you weren’t going to get a straight answer, buddy. Because when they want to get rid of you, none of them ever say “You lowered my Interest Level with your deportment.” You’ll never hear that out of a woman’s mouth. No, all you’re ever going to get is Womanese, and in this case, the second reason, the third reason, and the fourth reason – not the first and only reason.
Why not? Because women with 95% Interest Level put up with all that other stuff. You’ve overheard them talking yourself: “I know he doesn’t share, but I love him!” “I know he’s playing a role, but I adore him!” A woman will put up with anything if her Interest Level is in the 90s.
Even after all that humiliation, you’re still going to try and be more open and honest. What you’re saying, Pierce, is “I’ll change for you.” You haven’t even gotten the ring through your nose at the altar and you’re already telling her you’re going to get yourself in line and obey like a good doggie? Pathetic. And you want to know if you’re a wimp?
But it gets even more embarrassing. You accuse Haley of not sharing. The only thing she’s not sharing is that her Interest Level is dropping faster than Michael Jackson’s pants when he’s with a little boy. You’re already begging for her attention, man. What you’re telling her you’re not going to do; you’re doing right now. You’re already accepting her scraps!
It’s “probably” over, is it? That just shows how weak you really are. My friend, it’s over already. You’re just trying to give Haley some wiggle room so she can help you back in. But she’s not going to. Women with 49% Interest Level or less don’t help you. Women with 51% Interest Level or higher do. That’s a hard and fast rule.
She warmed up because you finally showed her you had some cojones (maybe not real big ones, but at least you forced a conversation). But don’t worry – it was just an illusion. Instead of sitting there in the parking lot (and remember how many times I’ve told you guys to stay out of the car!) pouring your guts out, you should have told Haley, “You go your way and I’ll go mine. You have my number. Stay away from me for 30 days. If you want to go out after 30 days, give me a call.” Like my cousin General Love says, “When it’s wartime, it’s hardball time.” But you don’t get it, Pierce, and so you acted like a wuss.
It doesn’t matter how you act now. Because when her interest in you is somewhere below the Mason-Dixon Line, you’re out. And you’re in the 40% to 49% range. That means she’s with you, but she doesn’t dig you. She’ll yo-yo you and toss you her scraps, and then it’ll end. And then you’ll go on to the next one. And you’ll repeat your mistakes with another dream girl.
Haley was right about waiting until a year goes by for marriage. I say you have to wait for two. All you did was verify that she has low Interest Level. And you reinforced that low Interest Level by popping the question.
Remember, guys: once the girl loses respect – which
is the foundation of Interest Level – for you, you can
never get her back.
Would Brad take Angelina Back if She Got Cold Feet?
Hey Doc,
I am a loyal follower of “The System” and your techniques. I think you’ve really got it together when it comes to women and relationships. Now this is just a request and you might not want to deal with it, but I thought it might help some other men out there.
I’d like you to address the recent story about the woman in Georgia who bolted a few days before her oversized, showy wedding, fabricated a kidnapping story, then when the cops found her sniveling in a phone booth in New Mexico, recanted the whole thing and admitted she just had “cold feet” and had in reality ran away from getting hitched. It looks like she even had it planned long before the big event.
First off, why do you think this story has captured the public’s imagination the way it has? After all, it’s really only a local-yokel story about some chick jilting a guy, and the people involved aren’t that interesting to begin with. What do you make of it?
The next thing that I find fascinating is that this woman’s dumped boyfriend still wants to marry her. In fact, when they were reunited at her parents’ house after she was brought home by the authorities, he put the diamond back on her finger like nothing at all had happened! No word so far on whether she accepted it.
Is this guy the dictionary’s definition of Wimpus Americanus or what? I hear people on television talk about him being “understanding.” Do you think maybe that’s true and I’m being too harsh in my judgment of him? In an interview the guy said something along these lines: “I forgive her. We all make mistakes, don’t we?”
One last thing. I read somewhere once that psychiatrists say that if you can see the whites around the irises of a person’s eyes, then the person is totally crazy. That’s definitely the case with the runaway bride if you’ve seen her pictures. Do you think maybe she’s just insane and that’s why she did what she did? Maybe it’s worth considering, don’t you think?
Thanks for weighing in, Doc. I’m dying to hear your opinions on this one.
Antoine - who wonders how he’d handle it if it happened to him
Hi Antoine,
Thanks for your kind words. Now I’m not going to say I’m right 100% of the time. But I will tell you this: I’m hitting the bull’s-eye at a rate of about 98.7% when it comes to the dating game. Why? Because none of the other dating coaches out there ever talk about the man’s most important ally on the battlefield of love -- CHALLENGE.
Now, let’s move on to your questions. Not only did the runaway bride fabricate a ridiculous fairytale, she also accused a fictitious Hispanic male of abducting her. Her false accusation cast a long shadow over all the decent, honest, hardworking Hispanics who are legal citizens of this country. And it means she’s a bigot. Do bigots ever make good mothers? It’s something to think about.
Antoine, there was absolutely no doubt whatsoever that this lulu had a scheme planned out way in advance. She purchased the bus ticket she used to blow town a full week before the day she actually split! She left her keys and wallet at home because she intended for it to look like a kidnapping. THIS WAS A PREMEDITATED CRIME. IT WAS COMPLETELY CALCULATED. She just didn’t suddenly lose her marbles because the pressure of the impending nuptials was getting to her. She laid it all out cunningly --- like a lion stalking a wildebeest in the Serengeti for days on end. Or like Ivana or Marla or Melania setting a trap to snare the Donald.
The question of why this story has captured the public’s imagination is a good one. I can understand the fascination with Michael Jackson or Phil Spector – these are celebrities, big, recognizable names. But for some reason, certain stories pique America’s fancy, and this story is one.
This runaway bride just didn’t blubber, “I don’t want to marry you,” like Julia Roberts told Kiefer Sutherland. Julia pulled out on Kiefer three days before the wedding, but she didn’t lay out any twisted, diabolical plans beforehand. Not that what Julia Roberts did was right, but our current runaway did a great deal of pre-planning to get out of the big day. In other words, the story is like a Hollywood potboiler or a soap opera -- and we know how America is a sucker for a Hollywood potboiler or a soap opera. Why do you think we still can’t get enough of O.J. and Scott Peterson?
To you Psych majors, how can the runaway bride be kind and loving when she pulls something like this? Is this the behavior of a kind and loving woman? Are these nasty character traits what a guy is supposed to overlook when he ties the knot? Sheesh! I’ve known sweeter cobras!
There’s something else involved here, too. These days we have nothing else to talk about. The media has gotten tired of covering terrorism, so they have to look for something else. What also makes the runaway bride story riveting is the fact that the cops were on the boyfriend like white on rice as a potential suspect at first. If the runaway had slipped out to Malibu and fell off a cliff, her fiancé would be sitting in the slammer right now wishing Johnnie Cochran were still around. And this is the guy who’s begging her to take back the ring!
Which brings us to this pitiful dolt. I could take this guy, stick him in a jail cell and tell him, “Unless you memorize the Dating Dictionary I’m going to kill your parents!” And he might memorize the book under pain of that threat, know it inside and out, and answer all my test questions correctly, but at the end of the day he would still take her back. Some guys just aren’t fixable. This idiot is such a slave to his own Interest Level that he can’t see the forest for the trees. On top of it all, rejection doubles Interest Level. His is hovering around 190% right now.
So he’s going to beg some more. He’s going to grovel, and he’s going to get down on his hands and knees. I can just hear him whimpering like a whipped puppy: “Oh, my darling, please,
So he’s even a lower form of male than Wimpus Americanus, Antoine. He’s what’s called a STOOGE. He’s just not getting it at all. If they ever named a river after him, it would be DE-NIAL, just like the one in Egypt. This poor sap’s ego is in such a state of shock that to protect himself he has to put a happy face on the very ugly thing that went down.
But with the passage of time, if he has any brains at all (and that’s doubtful) his resentment is going to build. I mean, can you imagine being married to this model of stability? One day he’s going to come home from his long day at the office (where he slaves to keep his ice princess happy) and there’s going to be a note for him sitting on the kitchen table: “Honey, I’m leaving you, and I took the two kids. Sorry it didn’t work out after all.” And then of course everyone’s going to say, “Well, it wasn’t the first time. She did it before. She told you she was nuts up front! Didn’t you see this coming?” And, of course, he didn’t. Or he chose to remain as blind as Stevie Wonder.
So guys, this wasn’t just some “mistake.” What does the runaway bride have to do before everybody catches on -- burn the church to the ground? Does she have to flatten her fiancé’s house with a tractor before he gets it? How many people does she have to run over in a crosswalk with her truck before we wake up and say maybe this isn’t such a good person?
Finally there’s her pastor, who’s telling us how ecstatic everyone is that she’s back home and how the Lord is a presence in the room and once the runaway gets some professional treatment she’ll be well in a matter of days and everything will be perfect. But like my cousin Brother Love says, “Jesus and the Devil don’t work together.” This preacher ought to go back and read his Bible some more.
As far as our flighty lady’s wild eyes go, well, I’m not that kind of doctor. And I don’t buy into generalizations that condemn all females. All I know is this – she’s a whack-job. Like I always tell you guys, you have to start with a clinically sane person.
Remember, guys: never try to keep somebody who
doesn’t want to keep you
Would A Girl Ever Send Julio Iglesias Home Early
Hey Doc,
I’ve had your “System” for over a year and have been practicing it ever since. Being able to weed out the Feministas, Gold Diggers, and ungiving has been a blessing.
I met Ashley through eHarmony.com. She’s 95% of what I’ve been looking for. To be honest, the only thing I’d change is to open her mind to different kinds of food -- this girl can eat chicken and steamed vegetables every day and not get bored because that’s all she likes. She’s 26, a knockout, educated, has a good job, her own place, and lives a good life. I’m 26, make a gre