How does Rachel McAdams' Sister Treat Her
Jolene (not her real name) and I recently broke up after two years. On the surface, this might not seem like a very interesting subject, but Im confused about whats going on. In order to properly understand my situation, I need to tell you about the unusual factors involved in our relationship.
Jolene is the sister of a very well-known celebrity actress, one who is often mentioned in Top Women lists. She has a very controlling mother and a best friend who is also her sister-in-law. All three of them now live in Los Angeles, having moved there from a smaller town in central California.
My ex is very sweet, good-natured, non-confrontational, smart, and quite attractive. But she has always lived in her sisters shadow. To add insult to injury, her mother does not like me one bit, and for what reason I dont know. Frankly, her mother has not liked a single one of my exs boyfriends, and I find that to be an issue in itself.
Jolene and I spent almost all of our time together and we were quite happy. She even told me that she had been happy with me when she was breaking up with me. She cited the fact that we were not going to get married as the reason why she broke it off, but I think that it was the support group around her that led her to make this decision.
Doc, I dont know what to make of all this. I know that I have to move on and cut off communication with Jolene, but we have had some sporadic contact since the breakup, though not for the past several days. I know that Jolene is running around town with her famous sister, mother and best friend and being followed by the paparazzi. I feel as though I got the short end of the stick here and think that she is being given advice by people who have not seen us together and who have their own selfish agendas in mind.
Do you think theres any chance of getting Jolene back? Do you think being related to someone famous has twisted Jolenes head? Id appreciate your thoughts on these matters.
Ervin - who feels overwhelmed and outnumbered
You and Jolene didnt just break up after two years. What you really mean is, She dumped me. Why dont you just man up and state the truth? I dont want to be too harsh on you here (I know some of you guys think that I beat up on you in my columns), but when you make a big boo-boo, I cant just tiptoe around it. Youre here for THE TRUTH, and thats always what youre going to get. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, Dawg, the truth shall set you free!
Dude, you have to get Jolene away from these blockers shes with. Somehow you have to get her to move out. Because theres no distance between Jolene and her mother and best friend, these people can bring down both her Interest Level and your Interest Level - indirectly. Like my cousin General Love says, Soldier, this kind of attack will wear you down.
Im sure that Jolene has all the wonderful qualities you enumerate when shes with you. You can bet shes not exhibiting the same qualities when shes with the blockers. Pal, you have to move this girl exactly because shes always lived in her sisters shadow. What have I told you guys hundreds of times before? Change the environment. If you have to, move to Bakersfield.
You know why Jolenes mother doesnt like you? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, Thats an easy one. Because she hates men. To you Psych majors, you have to wonder about a woman who hates the guts of a guy her daughter likes, and who treats her like Cary Grant would -- classy. The fact that her mother hasnt liked any of Jolenes exes verifies what Im saying. And remember, when a girl hates The System, shes not a good girl for you.
Buddy, you two werent happy when Jolene was breaking up with you she was the only one who was happy. This reminds me of the girl who once said to me, I love you so much, I just cant take all this happiness I have to get rid of you! So I told her, Please hurry up and hate my guts so we can start kissing!
The fact that you werent getting married wasnt why you and Jolene went splitsville. Women break it off for one reason, and one reason only. The reason she gave you was the number two reason for getting rid of you. But the real reason is that you lowered her Interest Level due to your past deportment. Ervin, you owned this girl way back when. She used to idolize you once upon a time and now she wants to date other guys. She couldnt wait to see you when you were first going out and now she cant stand the sight of you. What happened, kiddo?
This so-called support group Jolene hangs with is really the third reason you broke up. Remember, only you can lower Jolenes Interest Level.
I agree that Jolenes two roommates hate your guts. And thats a problem. So what can you do? You have to wait for Jolene to call you. If she calls you, invite her over to your house and cook dinner for her. But youre not going to drive anywhere to meet her, and she has to come to your place. If she says no, keep the conversation limited to five minutes and hang up. You have to hope that her Interest Level is 51% to 55%, because then you might be able to pull this one out. But if its in the 40s or less, youre history, my friend.
Do I think theres a chance of getting Jolene back? Well, if I were a betting man, I wouldnt take the action. Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, Las Vegas says its 10 to 1 that you dont stand a chance.
Fame might possibly have twisted Jolenes head. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, Lets put it this way -- who remembers Ashlee Simpsons ex-boyfriend? But keep in mind that this girl never treated you badly, and when you were together you always had a good time. You only had problems when you got around those two serpents she lives with. What does that tell you?
Remember, guys: anytime you get mixed signals, disappear.
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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
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