Does Slash ever let a Babe Move In?
A friend turned me onto your website. I purchased your materials afterward and wanted to thank you for your insights.
Heres my issue. I started dating Lana a few months ago. After wed been dating for six weeks things got a little weird between us and I could feel her starting to distance herself. I followed your advice and played it cool. I showed her less attention. Things got better, but then worse again. It came to a point where I called her on it and told her I wasnt happy with the way things were going and either they changed or I was going to call it off.
We stopped talking for a week. I didnt respond to her e-mails and phone calls. After that week of non-contact we went out for a friendly dinner, and then another friendly date and we started seeing each other again. Things went great. Then, three weeks ago, Lana told me that her lease was up and that she was stressed about trying to find a place to live. At the same time, my roommate was in the process of leaving the city for a new job. I told Lana that she could move into my place until she found a place of her own.
Lana is not the smothering type, quite the opposite. Since shes moved in, shes busy with unpacking her stuff and spending time with her dog (she brought him along), or shes tired and we dont hang out as much as when we didnt live together. On top of it all, she has her own bedroom and has been sleeping there because she sleeps better in her own bed. Ive been trying to follow your advice and not show that it bothers me, but it does. Its difficult to be a Challenge when Lana knows exactly what Im doing all the time. How can I get this girl to chase/want me like she used to?
Thanks, Doc, for any coaching you can give me.
Erik - who thinks he made a boo-boo
Remember in my book that I tell you that you have to get 10 dates in with a girl, which is usually two to three months of dating, before you really get an idea of whats going on? Apparently you never got that far in the book. I dont know exactly when you got my materials in relation to going out with this girl, but your problem is that Lanas Interest Level is in freefall. And what the man always does is overrate the girls Interest Level. Lets say that her Interest Level was 90% at one time and its dropped to what you now think is 70%. In reality that means theres a good chance its really only 45%.
In other words, pal, youre in trouble.
Did things get worse again with Lana because you went back to your old behavior after things had temporarily improved? Thats what happens to most guys. Youre like someone whos on a diet. The vast majority of dieters who succeed in losing weight go back to their original weight. And the reason is that they never realize that the principles that got them thin will keep them thin. As soon as they get thin, they go back to their old gluttonous habits and gain back all 100 pounds.
Then you told Lana that you were unhappy and unless she changed you were going to end it. Now I know that you didnt study my materials, buddy. You think you can sit down with a girl whose Interest Level is only 45%, give her a talking-to and shes going to jump up and say Okay, Ill move my Interest Level back up to 90%! No problem! No way.
To make matters worse, Erik, youre begging. Notice that when a girls Interest Level is in the 90s how you dont have to sit down and talk to her? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, When you have to sit down and talk to her, its time to disappear. You only disappeared for a couple of hours.
You lasted a whole seven days without talking to Lana? Youre really a tough dude, Erik! The problem is that you should have done it for two months, until this girl was banging on your door crying to see you.
But you caved in way too fast and started going out on friendly dates. When I hear the word friendly, I cringe and immediately think unromantic. Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, When youre talking about your girlfriend, friendly is a horrible word.
Being stressed about not having a place to live is not your problem, man. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, Youre not her psychiatrist. You should have told Lana, Honey, here are the classifieds. Im sure youll find a nice place. And thats the end of it. Then you change the subject. Lanas not having a place to live has no connection with you and her flagging Interest Level. Youre trying to imply that it does.
So you told her to move in with you....Now I know you didnt even open my book. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, Is the good book gathering dust, my son? Let me tell you something, guy: when youre having problems with a woman, the LAST thing you want to do is come on strong to her.
But its too late, because now Lana is under your roof. And youre trying to make her your lover, where in reality she only wants to be your roommate. Thats all you are a roommate. And she was wrong for taking advantage of you. It means youre both dumb.
Lana brought a mutt into your house? Your Interest Level is way up in the 90s because you let her get away with that in spite of the fact that youre a clean freak. If you read my book, youd know that youre not supposed to let it get that high.
Since Lana moved in she doesnt like to hang with you anymore. What did I tell you at the beginning? Her Interest Level is swirling in the toilet. You moved her into your house in hopes of bringing it back up. And your Interest Level is so high that you dont even see it. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, She has more interest in her dog than she has in you.
Of course Lana sleeps in her own bed. Why would she want to sleep with a guy she only has 45% Interest Level in? Youre just a pal to this girl. And a dog-walker. By the way, be sure and carry a plastic bag to pick up all the stuff the dog leaves behind on the sidewalk.
The biggest problem youve got is that you cant use my advice on a girl whose Interest Level is short of the 50-yard line. To you Psych majors, Challenge doesnt work on a girl who doesnt like you. She has to like you; otherwise youre nothing more than a roommate -- and a dog-walker. Its impossible to even be a Challenge when a girl doesnt dig you to begin with.
Remember, guys: when youre having problems with her, dont move her in.
© 2007, DocLove Dot Com
I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello
Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a mans perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and dont ramble.
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