How Does Colin Farrell Handle the Older Ones?
Im 22 and Im dating a 38-year-old woman. Janine and I met in a bar, talked for a long time and ended up getting very romantic very quickly. Every time we see each other the same thing happens -- we talk about everything, her hopes and her fears, the future, what we want in life, we laugh a hell of a lot -- then its followed by romance, we spend the next day together and so on. Its really been great, since our personalities complement each other really well.
The problem is that Janine is worried about our age difference. It might sound arrogant, but I know Im an attractive guy; shes said several times that she cant understand why Im with her, and that shes worried Im going to meet someone closer to my age and leave her. I get the feeling sometimes that shes setting me up for rejection, that one day shell just decide that its not going to work between us and shell cut me loose.
Doc, I really like this woman. We have so much fun together and Ive given her no reason to think Im going to dump her. I dont ogle other women, Im attentive to her needs and Ive tried to reassure her that its only her Im interested in and no one else. But she just doesnt believe me! I know she was treated badly by a guy a few years ago and that trust is an issue for her.
I really dont like seeing Janine worrying over this. Everything in our relationship is fine apart from this one issue of age, and I think that if we could overcome it we could have a future together.
Can you give me any coaching? Whats your opinion of the chances for a man and woman with a significant age difference making it for the long run?
Rowley - who thinks hes found the one
If everythings going so great with you and Janine, whats the problem, pal? Sounds like you two are having a great time. Forget about the 16 years age difference. Though, like the great Doctor Freud once said, Actually, its more like 26 years, because women truly understand men.
But like a dog with a juicy bone, it looks like Janines not going to let go of the issue so fast. Shes carrying around all these fears and worries about your age difference. The problem is that she might be telling you the truth, then again she might not. You have to be slick here to figure out whats really going on. Like Ive always told you guys, you have to be like a detective on Love and Order to get to the bottom of things.
So lets look at this situation a little more closely.
Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, The ladys probably just uncomfortable with everyone on the street staring her down because shes hanging all over a guy who looks her son. But I say that if you two are enjoying each other and youre respectful to each other, stick it out. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, There are worse things in life than dating a woman who looks like yo mama.
That said, it certainly is possible that Janine is setting you up to be dumped. Heres the key question: if the two of you were stranded on a desert island, would she be thinking that youre going to break up?
You shouldnt be telling Janine that youre only interested in her and no one else because it doesnt help the situation. The problem is that Janine is uncomfortable, and crowing about your high Interest Level is not going to relieve her discomfort. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, Son, down deep she wants a 40-year-old. But since you get along so well and have so much fun together, shes toughing it out with you -- for the time being, at least. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, Shell stick around until she finds a guy her own age.
In fact, the age difference is an issue, whether or not it should be. Talking about how youre going to break up is a big negative, and Janine brings it up way too much. But I say that you should enjoy the ride and forget about rejection.
Janine doesnt really believe for a minute that youre going to dump her, my friend. But she cant get the subject of age out of her head. Eventually this is going to be a deal-breaker. But dont let it get you down. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, Maybe shell set you up with her twenty-one-year-old daughter.
Regarding the other guy and Janines issues with trust, you should come right out and ask her: Have I ever done anything untrustworthy? If you havent, then relax.
The next time she starts fretting over how old and beat she is and how young and good-looking you are, break the date and leave. Heres what you tell her: Ill be back when youre not going to worry about this age stuff in front of me. Then see what she does.
Of course everything is fine in your relationship, dude. Except that AGE is an issue -- a massive issue. But its not really all about age. Theres something going on between this womans ears that has nothing to do with age.
You dont have anything to overcome regarding age because its not an issue for you. But Janine has to want a future with you for it to be irrelevant. If she doesnt want a future with you, youre going to continue to have an age problem. Because you have to have a reason to break up other than low Interest Level. The Reality Factor says that it really is low Interest Level at work here, and shes just using the age issue as camouflage to hide the real reason from you.
The odds of your making it with Janine are 100% if her Interest Level is high. But shes beating you over the head with this huge red flag called AGE. It doesnt really matter what the issue is in the long run she wants a way out of this relationship.
Remember, guys: if shes hung up on something, youre the one whos going to pay for it.
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