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Hey Doc,

Rachel and I have been married for four years and together for a total of eight years. Things seem to be getting worse and worse for us. I am at the breaking point and don’t know what to do. I know what my friends think I should do, but they’re my friends, and they will go along with whatever they think I want. But I need an outsider’s opinion, which is why I’m coming to you.

While I could write a novel about my past with Rachel, here are the latest highlights. Two years ago I found out that my wife had an affair with someone who was supposed to be a friend. The three of us were at a Halloween party at the time and I had two-six packs in me. I completely lost it, damage was done, cops were called, and the rest is history. I guess I never really got over it.

While Rachel and I are still together, I can’t help but ask myself why. We are in financial distress and she makes me feel like it’s all my fault. While I am trying to build a business on the weekends, she drives halfway across town to go to the pool with her “‘friends.” She stays there all day long and I can never get hold of her. Also, she is VERY protective of her cell phone. She once tackled me to prevent me from looking into it. She receives text messages constantly and laughs them off as stuff from her friends or sister. Every now and then she says that some guy from the bar (a former bartender) calls, but that she always ignores him and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t get the hint. I find it all too hard to believe.

Doc, I find myself daydreaming of something better, and when I do, Rachel is NEVER part of it. Should I suck it up and get over her affair, or should I cut my losses and move on before it’s too late to better myself? Thanks.

Carlo - who needs a nudge from an expert

Hi Carlo,

You don’t have to convince me that things are getting worse for you – there’s no doubt in my mind whatsoever that you’re at the breaking point, as you say. By the way, I just read the latest statistics, which say that the point of divorce for first marriages is eight years – what a coincidence!

Now let me get this straight. You’re talking to your friends – who are also her friends -- about this whole mess you’re embroiled in? Like my cousin General Love says, “Soldier, I sure hope you never get a job in an intelligence capacity for the United States Government, because you wouldn’t last a day!”

Carlo, your friends should know nothing about your personal life. Want my opinion? You talk WAY, WAY too much.

These latest “highlights” of your life with Rachel sound more like lowlights to me. When she had that affair with your good friend, right there it was over, dude. WHEN SHE COMMITS ADULTERY WITH SOME GUY, SHE’S OUT FOREVER. And Carlo, there’s no 99.9% qualifier on this one. This is an absolute 100% slam-dunk -- as in SHE’S OUT! As far as what happened at that infamous Halloween party, I have to say that you’re the first guy I’ve ever met who’s the exact opposite of Cary Grant.

So I’m shocked that you and Rachel are still together. Let me ask you a couple of questions, man. When she goes off to the liquor store and returns four hours later, does it bother you? When she walks in late at night and her blouse is wrinkled and a button is missing and she can’t tell you where she was, do you lose sleep over it?

But you insist that you’re in financial distress. What about the emotional wringer this babe is putting you through? Carlo, you’re with a woman who can’t stand the sight of you! Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “I could understand it if you were fixed like Bill Gates, but you’re broke, dog.”

You know why you can’t get hold of Rachel at the pool? Because she’s frolicking in the water with another guy, that’s why. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If she’s fooling around with a new man she’s actually interested in, why would she want to talk to somebody from the past she could care less about?”

Of course Rachel’s protective of her cell phone. She wants to control the flow of intelligence at all times. After she cheated on you with your friend, do you really find it hard to believe that all of her calls and text-messaging are nothing but innocent little chit-chat? But like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, what’s not hard to believe is that this woman broke the marriage contract.”

I’m glad that when you daydream of your future Rachel is never part of it. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “This is good. It shows that at least some of the pain has sunk in.”

I think you should suck it up and get over it. And I’m not talking about the affair -- I’m talking about Rachel, Carlo. And there can’t be any OR involved. It has to be AND you should cut your losses. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Get out of there, man, and get out of there fast. She’s already carved out your heart. What are you waiting for?”

To you Psych majors, you have to study a girl’s character and past. And unless you do that before getting all entwined with her, you’re not going to make it over the long haul.

You picked the wrong one here, Carlo. This woman has no INTEGRITY.

Remember, guys: if they kiss another man, you’re out of there.

© 2007, DocLove Dot Com 

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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question – one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and don’t ramble.

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