Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

Would Eddie Murphy wait for Her to Make Up Her Mind?


Hey Doc,

Never before have I written one of these “help” letters. I feel silly, but sometimes an outside opinion is best.

Tracee had just gotten out of a failing relationship. The day after she broke up with the guy, we went out on a date. Things went well, but I cautioned that if she needed to take time to get over the breakup, to please take it. She declined all three times I asked.

We did a lot together. She would call to talk to me all the time. All advances were made by her, other than the fact that I planned a whole day for her birthday. About six weeks into it she asked me to be her boyfriend. I was hesitant, but felt that if she asked she must really want to be with me. I agreed. But some days later she told me she was confused, hasn’t had time to herself, and wanted to meet new people (she’s 20 and I’m 22), but didn’t want to hurt me so she felt it was best we just played the dating scene for a while.

I told her I don’t share my girls, and then broke it off, giving her an option to come back when she was ready. When we talked a couple days later, she told me that I should try and see things from her point of view: she just got out of a relationship where she was treated like crap and then she met me and I’m wonderful, but she’s confused and doesn’t know what to do. She has a boatload of work; she worries about running her parents’ hair salon, and has to still deal with a psycho ex.

I told her I was sorry she has so much going on and that I would rather be someone she could rely on in her life than a problem, but I needed to know if our relationship was going somewhere because I don’t want to be waiting forever. She replied “I really want it go somewhere, but you have to believe me and have a little faith that I am not out slutting it up. I like you a lot.”

Doc, is she worth my time? Maybe you can help me understand.

Wilton - whose head is spinning

Hi Wilton,

This isn’t a “help” letter. It’s a coaching letter. If you need help, go and see someone who’s got a sheepskin hanging on his wall. But if you want to find out what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong with the ladies, then allow me to be your Love Coach.

Now, why in the world are you getting serious with this girl so fast? You’re not here to be her counselor. You’re not here to change the way she lives. You’re here to be the clown. You’re here to play the court jester. In other words, you’re here to boost her Interest Level in you, and that’s all.

Let me make sure I got this right. You asked this girl to get rid of you three times in a row? You might have said it once in jest, but the truth is that you never should have said it at all. But you said it three times. You were beating Tracee over the head with it. Maybe she’s as thick as you are and thought you were trying to be a Challenge.

Whatever happened, at that point she was all over you like a cheap suit. You weren’t returning all her calls, were you? You were letting her talk to your answering machine, right? I hope so, because you shouldn’t have been talking to this girl. She just came off a relationship, pal. And you have to make sure that she’s not on the rebound.

When you say she made all the advances in your relationship, please define your terms. Are you saying she called you once or twice a day every single day? Or are you saying she asked you out every single day and you went out with her all the time, which you shouldn’t have been doing. You should have paced yourself with this girl, Wilton. You have to spoon-feed yourself because her emotions are bouncing around like a pinball.

You say you were hesitant about getting in deep. Ah-ha! Know why you were uncertain? Because there was this little angel up on your right shoulder saying “Be strong! Be strong! Tell her no!” And over on your left shoulder was a little devil dressed in a black suit whispering, “Don’t listen to Doctor Love! She’s coming at you! Take it! Take it! Take it!”

But like my cousin Rabbi Love puts it, “Here’s the problem, my son: you didn’t have enough time in with this girl to be her boyfriend.” And remember too that she’s on the rebound.

You don’t share your girls, Wilton? Number one, this girl isn’t property, and number two, she doesn’t want to be your property! Tracee broke it off before you broke it off, in case you missed that important fact. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You were breaking off thin air, paisan.” And you gave her the option to come back when she was ready. Very big of you, Wilton. To you Psych majors, when the girl leaves you before you leave her, she’s never going to be ready to come back.

But she told you that you were wonderful…so wonderful that she has low Interest Level. Doesn’t that seem like a contradiction in terms? I have to tell you, Wilt, this lady speaks beautiful Womanese.

I’ve got news for you, my friend. Tracee’s not dealing with one psycho ex. She’s dealing with two psycho exes. Like my cousin General Love says, “You just joined the squad, soldier.” You’re only a problem in Tracee’s life now because you’re stalking her. The reality is that you were actually out a long, long time ago.

That said, she told you that she likes you a lot. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “She likes you so much she wants to spend time with other men.” And as the great Doctor Freud put it, “You know, that’s really logical!”

Is Tracee worth your time? Buddy, right now you’re wasting your time. And I can tell you this for sure: you’ve got a lot of work to do – memorizing my materials.

Remember, guys: when she says she’s confused, it really means you’re out.

© 2008, DocLove Dot Com 

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I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question – one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and don’t ramble.



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