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Will Babyface Date Her if She Lives Far Away? Hey Doc, I ordered “The System” a while ago and I like some of the principles. I’m in my mid-30s and have been divorced for two years. Finding a good woman in the 25 to 35 age range is pretty tough because they’re nearly all taken. I’m not much into the bar/club scene, but I do go out two to three times a week. Anyway, I was at a local bar on Saturday, and met a nice group of girls and hit it off with one in particular. Fiona and I played darts, had a few drinks, and talked for a good three hours by ourselves. I picked up the obvious signals -- solid eye-contact, touching my arm and leg, etc. I got her number with no problem, and at the end of the night walked her and her friend home to her friend’s house. When her friend went inside, Fiona turned and kissed me, and told me to call. I called her the next evening to say I had a good time (I know this goes against your rules, but I figure she’s onto them and all the other men’s techniques, and I wanted to show her I can think for myself). I got no return call, so I called again four days later. After playing phone tag, we finally connected. She said she couldn’t get together on the weekend because she had to work on Friday and had a graduation to attend on Saturday. Here’s the thing -- I’m 14 years older than Fiona and she lives 90 miles away. The age thing is no big deal because she’s pretty mature for her age and probably appreciates a more mature guy. But the distance makes it hard to set up a date, since we can’t exactly go and grab a drink for 45 minutes. Also, I’m pretty sure she’s into “The Rules” and is playing hard to get. Like I said, it’s clear that she’s interested in me. She was also was very clear that she does NOT have a boyfriend, and she returned my call. But HOW DO I LAND THAT DATE? Should I wait a week to call back, and try to set up a Monday or Tuesday date? I don’t want to wait too long -- out of sight, out of mind. Any coaching would help. Thanks! Horst - who doesn’t know how to operate from a distance Hi Horst, Hold it right here. I don’t care what rules you like. I appreciate you buying my book, but it’s not something you toss aside after a few pages – it’s a lifetime INVESTMENT. So it means you have to INVEST your time and effort into bettering yourself and you can’t cherry-pick the principles. You have to follow my techniques from A to Z. To you Psych majors, you can’t leave any room for error when you’re not an expert on women. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “No short-cuts dog. Remember what happened to you the last time!” So, you’re divorced for two years. Did you figure out yet why your wife dumped you, Horst? I hope so, because if you didn’t, you can bet it’s going to happen to you again. Yes, it’s true that women in that choice age range are nearly all taken. But guess what? You only need one. But you’re not ready to land that great one, Horst, because you haven’t done your homework. How the heck can you say you’re not into the club scene? You go out to a gin mill three times a week and you’re not into it? Okay, so you blabbed for three whole hours to this girl the first time you met her. What have I told you guys in the past? You spend 30 to 45 minutes MAX the first time you meet. Get the home phone number and get out of there. You spent way too much time with this girl. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “When you hang around her for too long, you increase your chances exponentially of screwing it up.” Horst, you tried to rush it like most men who have no Self-Control. And that wasn’t the only blunder you committed, dude -- you were on a group date in case you hadn’t noticed. But she kissed you and told you to call her, and you put a lot of stock in that. Fabulous -- so far. Did you do your disappearing act? No, you didn’t. You called Fiona the very next evening. Why? Where was the fire? When I have to look up “telephone blunders” in the dictionary, will I find your picture there? What do you mean she’s on to all the men’s techniques? How do you know what’s going on in this girl’s head? You’re out with a complete stranger for three hours and you know everything about her? You don’t know anything about this woman, buddy! What do you have, a crystal ball? Don’t forget where you were when you were rapping with her – in a saloon full of smoke with everyone half in the bag. Know why Fiona didn’t call you back when you phoned her? Because she loves you, guy, it’s obvious. She had more excuses than Barry Bonds has homers why she couldn’t get together with you. She’s busy Friday. She’s busy Saturday. Like my cousin General Love says, “And she’s probably working on her helicopter on Sunday!” You’re not 14 years older than Fiona, my friend. You’re 14, period. You act like a 14-year-old around this girl. And she lives 90 miles away. Great! So you’ve got a girl who doesn’t like you and who lives on the other side of the world! Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “This is destined for success!” By the way – how do you know Fiona appreciates more mature guys? She might be into 19-year-old guitar players for all you know. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “I haven’t seen a woman yet who isn’t!” Your problem isn’t distance, pal. Your problem is that you don’t know the first thing about women. And you’ve got a book on handling them that you’ve never read. But you maintain that Fiona’s into the rules and is playing hard to get. Tell you what, Horst. Every time you say “The Rules,” substitute the words “LOW INTEREST LEVEL” instead. On top of it all, you’re dating a yo-yo here, man. But I’ll do my best to help you. If you insist on driving 90 miles in one direction to see a loony tune, here’s what you do. Set the date two weeks from now. Tell Fiona you want to come to town and see her. Make it for a Sunday at 12:30 for lunch and you’ll meet her at the restaurant. When she doesn’t show up, you can turn right around and drive the 90 miles home. Then you’ll say “Gee, Doc’s right!” Remember, guys: the closer they live, the easier it is. © 2007, DocLove Dot Com Other Relationship Issues, Books I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello
Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000. DocLove will answer all of your romantic
love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your
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