Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

Did Jimi Hendrix ever Dream About the One Who Got Away?

Hey Doc,

First I want to say that I’ve been a fan of your weekly letters for some time and applaud what you have created. Finally, men have the tools to succeed with women. But despite all the wisdom I’ve acquired, there is one problem I’m still having, which I guess shouldn’t be a problem to begin with. As typical as it seems, I really have no idea what to do or how to stop it. Here’s the situation.

About a year ago this summer, I was finishing my last semester in college where I had to study abroad. The group I was traveling with there was very small and consisted mostly of women. There were some very attractive females and I was able to get the one that captivated me, thanks to what I learned from “The System.”

Her name was Cerise. Cerise wasn’t like most of the women I dated in the past. She could be called the “Gaming Girl” because she was heavily into Japanese Animation, video games, role-playing, etc. These are interests I also held, by the way. Cerise was extremely beautiful, talented in art, and had many other qualities that blew me away.

In the back of my mind I always knew this was nothing more than a summer fling at best and I tried to enjoy it for what it was. But it turned out I was wrong. Gradually things started becoming more serious between Cerise and me. We saw one another every weekend up until she had to leave the country because she was studying abroad for another year. Naturally we did try a long-distance relationship that worked for a while, but eventually it seemed we didn’t have time for one another. The breakup was mutual, and for about three months we stayed in communication as friends, but even that died down.

Being back on the market I started to date around, but I was always thinking of Cerise. I even had dreams about her. Doc, I need to know what this is all about. Am I just caught in old memories of someone I had a deep connection to? If so, how do I get over this and move on with my life?

Thanks in advance and keep up the good work.

Mikey - who’s a very confused man

Hi Mikey,

It was fantastic that your study group consisted mostly of women. This is exactly what you want! To you Psych majors, get yourself into some activity where most of the other people involved are of the female persuasion, especially the attractive ones. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “There ain’t nothin’ better than bein’ the only rooster in the henhouse!”

You’re very lucky that you had the same interests as Cerise. Not only were you attracted to her, but also you had things in common, which most people don’t, even when they get married. And it’s likewise nice that this girl had all these great qualities that you admired. But you have to remember something: she’s EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL. And you know what that means -- every guy in the world is after her. So you’d better be armed with powerful weapons when you prepare to do battle with this dangerous creature. Because like my cousin General Love says, “With a Beautiful Woman, you’ll always be operating from a position of weakness.”

Mikey, not being content to accept this relationship for what it really was --just a summer fling -- was your big mistake here. You and Cerise were from different countries and you were inevitably going to part. Guys who hook up with women who are just going to be around for a couple months think they can control their emotions, but I’ve got news for you – you can’t. You might – if you have some Self-Control – be able to control your mouth when your emotions might prod you to say something stupid. But you cannot control your emotions.

Some guys I know in Las Vegas used to date exotic dancers. And I warned them that those girls were trouble. But their response was, well, we’re just going out for a fun time – no way we’re getting serious with these babes. But after three or four months they found themselves falling in love with the dancers. And like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If you don’t watch yourself with a certain type of woman, you’ll find yourself broke or dead.”

The point is that you have to know whom you’re falling in love with. And you better make sure that she’s going to be around if you’re going to let yourself get involved. So when you found out that Cerise would be studying abroad for another year, right then and there you should have told her, “Have a good time, honey, and if you ever move to my town, give me a call.”

Of course it petered out between you and this girl. Like I always tell you guys, when you date someone, you can only be 25 to 35 miles away from her MAX. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Distance is a deal-breaker.”

Now wait a minute here. You say that this breakup was mutual. Dude, breakups are never mutual. One party always leaves the other, and odds are Cirise left you since Beautiful Women never get dumped.

And why would you want to remain friends with someone you had a romantic relationship with? You could be friendly with her, but why be friends? Waste of time! And of course that crapped out too. Which goes to prove the old Chinese proverb: “Out of sight, out of mind, grasshopper!”

You were always obsessing on Cirise because she got your Interest Level way up into the 80s and then she got rid of you indirectly. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “The dreams you’re having are just your ego working against you.”

What’s it all about? Well, Mikey, you’re a human being, not a robot. And yep, you’re just caught up in old memories of someone you had a deep connection to once upon a time. But the saddest part is this: you and Cirese started out from the same place. You thought you could keep it light, but you ended up falling in love with someone who was going to disappear. So this thing was dead from the beginning. Let me say it again: WASTE OF TIME.

How do you get over Cirise and get on with your life? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, memorize Doc’s principles and find a replacement!”

Remember, guys: if they’re going to move away later, don’t fall in love.

© 2007, DocLove Dot Com 

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I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question – one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and don’t ramble.

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