Does Dennis Rodman ever get Hung Up on His Exes?
First let me say that your website and radio show are addictive. Id call you for help, but Im nervous about being on the air. So Ill give you a brief summary of my situation.
Two years ago I met Taylor online. We instantly clicked. Seven months later we decided to move in together. I was considering marrying her too. Well, a few months ago things changed. Taylor broke up with me. I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt that she had not given our relationship a fair chance. She called me and said, Youre right. I think we need to spend more time together and see where things go.
Well, I kept asking her to see me, and every time she made excuses why she couldnt. I sent her an e-mail and told her I was sick of it. She apologized and promised she would make things better. In the meantime, I met Dana, an absolutely wonderful woman. She called me all the time, said she wanted to see me, and came right out and said she liked me. One day she asked So when are you going to ask me to be your girl? Anyway, Dana has been hanging in there ever since. Shes a Giver, very sweet, and she makes me feel special.
But my heart is still with Taylor. Why cant I get over Taylor when I have Dana, who is practically falling all over me? I e-mailed Taylor recently and told her that all I ever wanted was for someone to treat me right and be there for me, and I added, Obviously you cant provide that, so its time I meet someone who will. She then asked me to dinner to talk. We went out, and she told me I was never in love with you. I think you are a great guy and I want you as my friend. Maybe sometime down the line we can get back together.
I knew what that meant. It translates into Howie, I want to string you along because Ive found someone else and I need you as a backup in case it doesnt work out. No way, I told her. This date was a chance for her to throw one last punch at me, and I fell for it.
In the meantime, Dana has been waiting patiently. She called and said, I miss you. I want to see you. What I cant understand is why Im hung up on a woman who wont give me the time of day, and pass on one who is good-looking, sweet and giving.
Doc, I realize Ive made some mistakes. Will you help me? Ive had such bad luck with women. Can you make sense out of any of this?
Howie - who cant take getting beat up anymore
Your first mistake was moving in with Taylor too soon way, way, WAY too soon. What have I told you guys again and again? You have to go in SLOW. You can never go in too slow. Apparently you didnt follow my advice.
It doesnt matter that you wanted to marry Taylor, pal. The only thing that counts is whether she ever considered marrying YOU. Remember, the most important tenet of The System is that its her Interest Level that matters not yours.
You think Taylor didnt give your relationship a fair chance? Hey she gave you seven months! What more do you want? But you still want to see where things go. Dude, on her side they can only go from 40% to 49%. But dont hold your breath Taylors Interest Level is never going to see 51%. You already blew your chance.
Isnt it funny how women always have excuses not to see you when their Interest Level is lower than 50%? I cant imagine why! And you didnt really get all kinds of tough with Taylor and tell her off, Howie. You begged. What you did by listing all the stuff she never did for you is called begging. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, Here youre finally standing up for your rights, and shes in the arms of another man! Sadly for you, pal; youre already in the past. Youre so far in the past its not even funny.
But Taylor promised to make things better. She should have said she was going to up her Interest Level, but we know thats impossible.
Know why Dana cant get enough of you? Because of your love for the other girl, Taylor, you were a Challenge to her. Thats why Dana fell for you. And thats what all the other love doctors would miss in this situation the importance of CHALLENGE.
Theres no mystery at all about why you cant get over Taylor: REJECTION DOUBLES INTEREST LEVEL. And so you went and e-mailed her again despite the shellacking you took. In other words, youre still begging, right? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, How many letters are you going to send this woman who cant even remember what you look like?
And dont delude yourself about Taylors abilities with men. She can certainly be there and provide good treatment for a guy another guy. You just happen to be the wrong guy.
But I do feel for you, buddy. When Taylor told you she was never in love with you over dinner, did you upchuck your filet mignon? You dont really believe that shes going to get together with you somewhere down the line, do you? She just told you she was never in love with you to start with! Which means her Interest Level was below 50% from the beginning. The Reality Factor says that this is mans biggest problem in his relationships with the opposite sex.
And it also means that a girl will move in with you when her Interest Level is below 50%. Like I always tell you guys, 40%-49% can look like high Interest Level, but it really isnt. To you Psych majors, the only Interest Level thats high is yours. Yours is in the 90s. Its out of control. Hers should be in the 90s before you get involved with her. Thats the whole point of my techniques.
But Howie, dont feel bad for being KOd by Taylors left hook. Ninety percent of all guys are cut down by womens punches -- even big, huge football players.
You actually have great luck with women, my friend. You have one who moved in with you, and youve got another one waiting in the wings. Youre fantastic at getting women. You just dont know how to hold onto them, thats all.
Your Interest Level in Taylor is way too high, man. Taylors is 40%, and yours is 100%. And thats what rejection does -- it will distort reality and drive you completely nuts. But take comfort. Like an old sage once said, Time is mankinds greatest healer. And you have the advantage that you can get into your other girl. Youre lucky that you have a backup! Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, Do you know how many guys go it alone after they get dumped? You already have a babe in the bullpen, so youre doing all right. But you have to learn to appreciate Dana before she decides to walk out on you, too.
Remember, guys: never try to keep someone who doesnt want to keep you.
© 2007, DocLove Dot Com
I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you. - Luigi Pirandello
Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a mans perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and dont ramble.
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon Clay
©1996-2017, Gordon Clay