Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

How Does James Gandolfini Handle a Lazy Woman?

Hey Doc,

I purchased your book last year, enjoyed it, and even recommended it to some of my “skeptical” friends and coworkers. The problem is I lost it...it vanished without a trace!

I’m 25 and have been exclusively dating the beautiful Natasha for about 19 months now. She’s the type of girl most guys would describe as ‘cool.’ One of our first dates consisted of a six-pack of beer and two hours of playing the Xbox. She’s not at all needy or insecure, and she’s very low maintenance. She’s happy with just a card for her birthday. She also realizes the financial burden of living almost 80 minutes away from me, and offers to pay for dinner/movies/gas occasionally. And to top that off, she’s a Flexible Giver. Sometimes she’ll surprise me with a homemade meal, or a small gift she picked up at the store when she was thinking about me. I know she finds me entertaining because she laughs at all my dumb jokes.

Here’s the problem. Lately I’ve been feeling kind of disappointed in Natasha. At age 26, she still doesn’t have her driver’s license. She got into a very serious car wreck a few years ago (her friend died behind the wheel) so I can understand that she may be afraid to drive. But she also doesn’t have a college education. She’s attending classes to obtain a GED, but she only shows up half the time. We’ve gotten into a few fights over this since I come from strict parenting with an emphasis on responsibility. Natasha keeps promising me that she’s going to get her GED, but it seems like it’s taking forever.

She also told me she’s bipolar. I’m somewhat skeptical towards people who claim to be bipolar. Her family is poor and her parents can be considered the stereotypical “trailer trash,” lazy and unmotivated. Last, she has a seven-year-old daughter who is spoiled. Natasha doesn’t have full custody of her daughter (I don’t know all the details, but she’s had two boyfriends in the past who were bad influences and this contributed to her not getting full custody).

I try not to let these factors cloud my judgment, because I want to believe individuals have the power to become whatever they desire, despite their environment. But over the past 19 months we’ve had two or three really heated arguments over these issues where she slapped me a few times.

I’m at a point where I’m thinking of breaking up with Natasha, but I’m also under a lot of stress from work and maybe my mind is just clouded right now. I don’t want to make a decision I will regret later, because Natasha has some wonderful traits your book would describe as essential despite the red flags. What should I do?

Calvin - who sees it both ways

Hi Calvin,

You lost my book? Let’s pretend for a moment that you cut the pages out of the inside of my book and you hid $20,000 in unmarked twenties in there. Would you have lost it then?

I’m very happy for you that this girl of yours is “low maintenance.” Now I want you guys to remember those two words – I’m going to come back to them later.

And I also want you to think about what else Calvin has said here. When’s the last time your girlfriend picked up a small gift at the store for you? Isn’t that wonderful?

Well, Calvin, everything you’ve told me about Natasha up to this point is nothing short of fantastic! But what’s this about a problem? I thought Natasha was the ideal woman. I’m absolutely shocked that something could possibly be awry!

Let’s look at your concerns, pal. It took you 19 whole months to realize that Natasha can’t drive? How long did you have my book – about an hour before it vanished without a trace?

I understand and sympathize that a car wreck was involved in Natasha’s fear of getting behind the wheel. But like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “How many open bottles of Jack Daniels did the cops find on the floor of that vehicle?”

I’m glad that Natasha shows up about half the time to her GED class. Sounds like she’s the responsible type. And don’t forget – that’s going to be your responsible wife right there who forgot to pay the electric bill. The Reality Factor says that this girl doesn’t come from a background with an emphasis on strict responsibility. So like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Dog, why don’t you just get into how fine she looks and forget about what’s inside her head for a while?”

So she’s bipolar, huh? Man, I won’t go near that one. It’s totally politically incorrect to touch that word, but my long-term readers and fans will know what I’m thinking right now. Heck, I’m scared to death if anybody even mentions that word in a conversation!

Ninety percent of the time our traitor judges in this country award custody of the kids to the mother. If the woman doesn’t get the kid legally, it’s a HUGE RED FLAG, my friend. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You sure she’s not wanted for anything, dude?”

Now Calvin, can you imagine living with this woman? I’m going to tell you why you shouldn’t, and I’m going to come from an angle you’ve never heard before. You have to remember that the woman you want has to have a GOOD ATTITUDE, a MINIMUM OF SCARS, and NOT A LOT OF BAGGAGE. Because that stuff will haunt you. To you Psych majors, you’ll pay dearly for her problems.

Your sentiments about the great potential of the human race are noble, but guy, this girl is 26 years old and she can’t finish the twelfth grade! She can’t even show up for the class! Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Her parents’ favorite TV program is the Jerry Springer Show.”

You’re telling me that a woman slapped you across the face and you kept going out with her? Are you sure you ordered the right book?

But not to worry, you’re at a point where you’re thinking of breaking up with Natasha. What’s it going to take, buddy -- a bullet through the heart? You don’t hit people. You don’t hit anybody. That’s the problem with the world today. Just look at all the countries that are constantly at war. Somebody’s always hitting somebody else. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You’re supposed to care for the other person, not use him as a punching bag.”

Your stress at work is the perfect excuse for your troubles with Natasha. And she tried to slap it out of you to make you feel better -- is that your rationalization for getting popped in the head?

Is all of this stuff a big red flag? Calvin, this flag could cover Nebraska! If I were you, I’d move to Bangladesh.

Remember, guys: when they’ve got tons of problems, they are not low-maintenance.

© 2010, DocLove Dot Com 

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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" Archives for 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

DocLove will answer all of your romantic love questions from a man’s perspective. So set your ego aside, learn to laugh at yourself, and visit www.doclove.com or E-Mail or call me at 800.404.2644 and I will give you a snappy answer to your silly love question – one loaded with truth. You do what I say, and Miss Right will rob banks for you. When I get done with you, you will need more security than Julio Iglesias. However, to protect the guilty, I promise to not use your real name, or give it out. All questions will be answered, but only the ones of general interest printed. Please be specific and don’t ramble.

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