Women Don't Lie,
Men Don't Listen

Do Girls Always Touch Eninem on a Date?

Hey Doc,

I’ve had your book for a few months now and I have to say that it’s helping me see the light as far as women and dating go.

I’m interested in Valerie, a very attractive young woman in my psychology class. I noticed her checking me out from the beginning, but I tried to remain a Challenge and waited until one day when after class she initiated a conversation with me. I kept it light and easy and teased her. The conversation kept going – I know, this was probably a mistake – and instead of asking for her home phone number, I said “Valerie, would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me?” She said “Right now?” and I answered yes, let’s go to the Starbucks right down the street.

So we went and drank coffee for 35 minutes. (I paid for the date, by the way.) During these 35 minutes she asked lots of personal questions, like what do you do, what are you studying in college, tell me about your family, etc. I saw all of these questions as buying signals. However, Valerie did not touch me once during this impromptu coffee date.

My question to you is this: should she have touched me during this date or does that only apply to the first FULL date (restaurant and dancing and the like)?

One more thing. I made the mistake – due to anxiety and newness to your principles -- of not asking for the home phone number again. The next time I saw her I did ask for it, however. Her answer was that she didn’t have a home phone. She then told me “I have a cell phone, though.” I then said “I don’t want the cell phone, I want the HOME phone number, the hardwired phone.” She asked for my cell phone number, but I refused to give it to her.

Was this the wrong thing to do? Your coaching is going to save my life, Doc.

Jay - who hopes he hasn’t ruined everything

Hi Jay,

Helping you to see the light is the whole idea behind my philosophy. In other words, when it comes to women, we want to take you from being a C minus student to a solid straight A student.

It’s great that Valerie initiated a conversation with you, because when a girl does that it signifies incoming interest. To you Psych majors, when interest is incoming, you’re not being rejected. And it’s beautiful, too, that you kept it light and funny and teased her – that’s what you’re supposed to do.

What we’re trying to do is feel the girl out psychologically. We want to see if she wants to play. If she doesn’t want to play, she’ll turn you down. With my techniques you’re going to discover in no uncertain terms when she wants to play and when she doesn’t.

Let’s move on to what I’ll call the fiasco of the phone number. I’ve been doing this – helping men -- for 35 years, Jay. ASKING FOR THE HOME PHONE NUMBER IS MY ROCK-BOTTOM, NUMBER-ONE PRINCIPLE. And here you’re trying to change it. If you’ve read my book even once you can’t not see that it instructs you again and again to ASK FOR THE HOME PHONE NUMBER.

But you insisted on deviating from the path. You told yourself “I’ll do this and this and this instead, because Doc doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing and I do.” Now here you are in trouble when you didn’t have to be.

Let’s look at what you did. Guy, you should be waiting five to nine days to get the girl to Starbucks. But because you’re not patient, you’re rushing things, like most men do. Big mistake. Like my cousin General Love says, “Attacking before the time is right only invites disaster.”

So, you think Valerie was sending you buying signals. Well, you got it half right, pal. The other half of it is that she has weak Interest Level – somewhere between 51% to 60% -- and she wanted to flush you out right up front. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Lots of girls will ask you questions – it doesn’t mean they like you.” And by the way, when she interrogated you I hope you came back at her like Robin Williams and hit her with a stream of one-liners.

You’re the one that should be asking her the majority of questions, dude. And what you tell me in your letter is that you didn’t dominate the questioning. YOU SHOULD BE RUNNING THE INTERVIEW. And because of her mediocre Interest Level, she’s not going to want to waste time with you so she’s going to put you through the wringer. It’s called the hard interview. And what verifies that she was doing the hard interview was that she didn’t touch you.

What it boils down to is this: you can’t sit with a girl that likes you and not have her tap your arm. Valerie should have touched you. And if she didn’t bump you at Starbucks, she should have said “I had a very nice time -- please give me a call” when you walked her to the car. And you would call her one more time because she asked you to. And you’d play it out from there.

But what actually did happen – she didn’t touch you and she didn’t tell her to call you -- was a red flag. So this doesn’t look strong, Jay.

And again you didn’t ask for the home phone number. Pal, if I said to ask for the home phone number just once in the Dating Dictionary, I could understand that you forgot to do it. But you have no excuse because I said it on every page.

When Valerie said she didn’t have a home phone number, you should have taken the cell number. And then when you go to her house to pick her up, you check to see if there’s a hardwired phone. If you see one hanging on the kitchen wall, you know she’s a liar and has no Integrity, and you drop her. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “We’re going to collect evidence on this girl, because we don’t want you getting a loon.”

Jay, you’re blowing this situation by arguing about which phone number to take. If they don’t have a hard-wired phone, you’re allowed to drop down. Let me tell you something, pal: there are 200 million cell phones in America. For some people they are the only telephone.

So what do we have here? You didn’t take Valerie’s cell phone number, and you refused to give her yours. And you’ve had my book 60 days? I don’t know what you read, man. Maybe you don’t really know how to read.

What you did was a horrible blunder. I don’t know if my coaching is going to save your life, Jay. This one’s going to be real close.

Remember, guys: if you do all the wrong things, you’re going to lower her Interest Level.

© 2008, DocLove Dot Com 

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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.

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