Do Girls Always Touch Eninem on a Date?
Ive had your book for a few months now and I have to say that its helping me see the light as far as women and dating go.
Im interested in Valerie, a very attractive young woman in my psychology class. I noticed her checking me out from the beginning, but I tried to remain a Challenge and waited until one day when after class she initiated a conversation with me. I kept it light and easy and teased her. The conversation kept going I know, this was probably a mistake and instead of asking for her home phone number, I said Valerie, would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me? She said Right now? and I answered yes, lets go to the Starbucks right down the street.
So we went and drank coffee for 35 minutes. (I paid for the date, by the way.) During these 35 minutes she asked lots of personal questions, like what do you do, what are you studying in college, tell me about your family, etc. I saw all of these questions as buying signals. However, Valerie did not touch me once during this impromptu coffee date.
My question to you is this: should she have touched me during this date or does that only apply to the first FULL date (restaurant and dancing and the like)?
One more thing. I made the mistake due to anxiety and newness to your principles -- of not asking for the home phone number again. The next time I saw her I did ask for it, however. Her answer was that she didnt have a home phone. She then told me I have a cell phone, though. I then said I dont want the cell phone, I want the HOME phone number, the hardwired phone. She asked for my cell phone number, but I refused to give it to her.
Was this the wrong thing to do? Your coaching is going to save my life, Doc.
Jay - who hopes he hasnt ruined everything
Helping you to see the light is the whole idea behind my philosophy. In other words, when it comes to women, we want to take you from being a C minus student to a solid straight A student.
Its great that Valerie initiated a conversation with you, because when a girl does that it signifies incoming interest. To you Psych majors, when interest is incoming, youre not being rejected. And its beautiful, too, that you kept it light and funny and teased her thats what youre supposed to do.
What were trying to do is feel the girl out psychologically. We want to see if she wants to play. If she doesnt want to play, shell turn you down. With my techniques youre going to discover in no uncertain terms when she wants to play and when she doesnt.
Lets move on to what Ill call the fiasco of the phone number. Ive been doing this helping men -- for 35 years, Jay. ASKING FOR THE HOME PHONE NUMBER IS MY ROCK-BOTTOM, NUMBER-ONE PRINCIPLE. And here youre trying to change it. If youve read my book even once you cant not see that it instructs you again and again to ASK FOR THE HOME PHONE NUMBER.
But you insisted on deviating from the path. You told yourself Ill do this and this and this instead, because Doc doesnt know what the heck hes doing and I do. Now here you are in trouble when you didnt have to be.
Lets look at what you did. Guy, you should be waiting five to nine days to get the girl to Starbucks. But because youre not patient, youre rushing things, like most men do. Big mistake. Like my cousin General Love says, Attacking before the time is right only invites disaster.
So, you think Valerie was sending you buying signals. Well, you got it half right, pal. The other half of it is that she has weak Interest Level somewhere between 51% to 60% -- and she wanted to flush you out right up front. Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, Lots of girls will ask you questions it doesnt mean they like you. And by the way, when she interrogated you I hope you came back at her like Robin Williams and hit her with a stream of one-liners.
Youre the one that should be asking her the majority of questions, dude. And what you tell me in your letter is that you didnt dominate the questioning. YOU SHOULD BE RUNNING THE INTERVIEW. And because of her mediocre Interest Level, shes not going to want to waste time with you so shes going to put you through the wringer. Its called the hard interview. And what verifies that she was doing the hard interview was that she didnt touch you.
What it boils down to is this: you cant sit with a girl that likes you and not have her tap your arm. Valerie should have touched you. And if she didnt bump you at Starbucks, she should have said I had a very nice time -- please give me a call when you walked her to the car. And you would call her one more time because she asked you to. And youd play it out from there.
But what actually did happen she didnt touch you and she didnt tell her to call you -- was a red flag. So this doesnt look strong, Jay.
And again you didnt ask for the home phone number. Pal, if I said to ask for the home phone number just once in the Dating Dictionary, I could understand that you forgot to do it. But you have no excuse because I said it on every page.
When Valerie said she didnt have a home phone number, you should have taken the cell number. And then when you go to her house to pick her up, you check to see if theres a hardwired phone. If you see one hanging on the kitchen wall, you know shes a liar and has no Integrity, and you drop her. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, Were going to collect evidence on this girl, because we dont want you getting a loon.
Jay, youre blowing this situation by arguing about which phone number to take. If they dont have a hard-wired phone, youre allowed to drop down. Let me tell you something, pal: there are 200 million cell phones in America. For some people they are the only telephone.
So what do we have here? You didnt take Valeries cell phone number, and you refused to give her yours. And youve had my book 60 days? I dont know what you read, man. Maybe you dont really know how to read.
What you did was a horrible blunder. I dont know if my coaching is going to save your life, Jay. This ones going to be real close.
Remember, guys: if you do all the wrong things, youre going to lower her Interest Level.
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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
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