Do They Call Bill Maher Back?
I read your book and regularly read your columns and you have really helped me understand the game of relationships better. So thanks for everything.
Last week I ran into Marla, who was married to a coworker of mine from years ago. I remember her being flirty with me back then, but she was married (shes now divorced) and I had a girlfriend, so it ended right there.
Anyway, I kept the conversation short and got her cell phone number since she no longer has a regular phone. I waited six days to call her. When we talked, she told me she was really busy that week since shes working two jobs, one as a nurse and the other at a jewelry shop. It was the holidays, so I bought her story about her busy schedule and she told me she would see what her schedule was like the next week and call me back. I was disappointed, but I told her that I understood and said goodbye.
Doc, what do you think Marlas Interest Level is? She didnt mention a boyfriend, made it clear to me that she was divorced, and was very quick to give me her phone number when I asked. I had high hopes for this one because she seems like a real sweetheart, and I like that she works and is independent.
I doubt shell call back. Im thinking of waiting a few weeks to give it one more shot. If she doesnt call me back or if I get another excuse without a solid counteroffer, Ill just cut my losses and move on.
What do you think, Doc?
Henny - who cant make out where shes coming from
First of all, this little thing didnt end all those years ago because you had a girlfriend. And I have to point something out to you at the time you met, the lovely Marla was a married woman who was flirting with a guy who had a girlfriend.
If youve read my book closely, youll remember that one-third of The System is comprised of the principle of INTEGRITY. Was Marla being faithful to her ex-husband when she was making eyes at you? What was her level of Integrity when she was still legally hitched? To you Psych majors, CAN YOU TRUST THIS WOMAN? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, Is it any wonder she got divorced?
When a woman uses the phrase real busy, you have to pull out your dictionary. Because shes using Womanese. And what it means is that her Interest Level is probably floating around between 40% and 49%. Think about it, pal. You mean this babe cant find one hour somewhere in her week to meet you (when theres 24 hours in a day!) for the guy shes going to fall in love and have triplets with? Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, Think shed be too busy for Brad Pitt?
When Marla said shed check her schedule and call you back, you should have come right back with Since your schedule is heavy and its the holidays, let me get back to you some other time, okay? Itll be easier that way. Then you hang up. Because once you said that you sympathized with her and that you understood her situation, you gave up your power and you gave up control of the situation. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, The reason you feel powerless now is because you decided to wait for her next move.
Actually, you only thought you understood this girl, Henny. What you actually didnt understand was that Marlas Interest Level is anemic somewhere in the 40s. Thats what you didnt get.
What is Marlas Interest Level now? Its in the sink, swirling, dude. She didnt mention a boyfriend, but why should she? If she can keep a bunch of turkeys on the line, why wouldnt she? I admit that some girls the ones with some degree of Integrity -- are upfront about their boyfriends and husbands, but by no means all of them.
My friend, Im sorry to hear that you were nursing high hopes for Marla. But you shouldnt have had high hopes for anything, especially a girl that you havent had 10 dates with. Are you sure you read my book?
But you insist that Marla seems like a sweetheart. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, You been smoking anything? Because this girl is a complete stranger that you happened to spend a few minutes with! Like my cousin General Love says Come on, soldier, get your head out of the clouds its dangerous when youre out there on the battlefield!
We dont give a damn about the fact that Marlas independent and she works. Naomi Campbell happens to be independent and employed, too, in case you havent noticed. Henny, all we care about is the girls Interest Level. All the other stuff like independence and money comes in second and third in importance.
One thing youre right about though is that you dont know whether or not Marlas going to call you back, but the Reality Factor says that most of the time they dont. And when they say the word schedule, you guys whove read my book know what that word means in Womanese.
Youre thinking about waiting a few weeks to give it another shot? Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, Bro, I think you should wait until about 10 minutes before Armageddon before giving it another shot!
Its great that youre going to cut your losses and move on, but the sad fact is that theres nothing to cut and nothing to move on from.
What do I think you should do? I think you should spend more time studying my book.
Remember, guys: when you go out with a stranger, dont give her too much credit.
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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
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