How Does Nicholas Cage get ride of Her Kid?
Ive been seeing Taylor for three months now. She is a very attractive, educated 38-year-old woman with a six-year-old son. She gives me some good buying signals, and really seems to enjoy being around me. Shes always asking me personal questions and laughs at my dumb jokes.
I call Taylor at four- to six-day intervals (max five minutes of talking) to schedule dates and we go out once or twice a week, usually Tuesdays and/or Sundays. She has never turned down a date recommendation from me. She is always available and ready to go out whenever I want to. She has offered to pay for meals and other things several times, so I dont think shes a Professional Dater. I get along fine with her son, and she has even discussed going on vacation with me somewhere. When she does, I remain noncommittal and immediately change the subject to something more humorous and light.
Here are my problems with Taylor. 1. We never go anywhere without her son because she says she cant get a decent babysitter. 2. She sits in the back seat with her son whenever we drive anywhere. 3. She has failed the kiss test twice in the time we have been going out. 4. Ive invited Taylor over to my house three times for lunch or coffee and cake, but have not once been invited to her place.
I am getting ready to ditch this girl even though I really like her and admire her intellect. Ive read your book three times from front to back, and I think a lot of it is starting to click, but this girl is sending some very mixed signals.
Should I ditch Taylor and concentrate on my other regular dates? Or am I missing something? I dont mind a platonic relationship with Taylor, but if I really wanted that I would be hanging out with my buddies -- not some gorgeous, educated woman.
Louie - who needs some coaching from the master
All of this sounds fine, but you didnt mention anything in your letter about Taylor complimenting you or touching you. Is that because you dont have my book memorized yet?
Dont be so quick to classify Taylor as someone whos not a Professional Dater. What you dont realize is that there is a type of Professional Dater who offers to pay. Why? Because you relieve her boredom, or she thinks youre a nice guy, or shes just a drifter. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, Dont get all excited, pal. Shes just passing through.
Its nice that Taylor wants to travel to Hawaii with you, but are you going with her alone or will her kid be on the surfboard too? Did you happen to ask Taylor about that? Its great, though, that in general you stay off the heavy subjects. Youre not doing everything wrong.
But you do have problems with Taylor, which shows that shes got a bad side. Darn. Up until now she sounded perfect.
Lets examine your problems one by one.
1. She cant find a babysitter. Let me ask you a question. If I gave Taylor a million bucks to find a decent babysitter, do you think she could do it? Of course she could! Its not like youre asking her to fly through the air with a basketball like Michael Jordan, which is never going to happen. But lets face it, man -- she could find a babysitter if she really wanted to. And it would mean she has high Interest Level in you. What her actions say is that her interest in you is not in the 90s.
2. She sits with her son in the back seat. This is okay, since youre babysitting. Thats the real deal here. Taylors getting you used to her little kid in the event you want to marry her. Because hes going to be with you all the time, probably even when youre sleeping after you and Taylor get hitched. Heres another way to look at it. If this girl really digs you (though we dont know for sure yet) and shes thinking long-term, shes telling you up front that this is going to be a package deal -- her AND her son. So in that sense, what shes doing is good. What I dont dig is introducing the kid to all these different guys. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, How many uncles can one child have? I dont think its good for the boy.
3. She failed the kiss test. Are you telling me youve been out with this girl 90 days and she does everything right except that shes failed the kiss test twice? I hope you understand what failed really means. Youre in trouble here, dude.
4. She doesnt invite you to her house. This is an easy one. The Reality Factor says that the reason Taylor doesnt want you in her house is because she doesnt want you in her house. Duh.
Hey, I like Taylors intellect too. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, I mean, you have to love the fact that shes playing all these games with you and you dont have a clue.
You may have read my book three times, Louie, but only a very small percentage of it is clicking. Like my cousin General Love says, Youve got three down and only 126 to go.
Taylors not sending you mixed signals. Shes just working you like a master by offering to pay. But remember that you have her to your house but she doesnt have you to hers. Why? Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, Yo, dog -- maybe shes got another boyfriend or two stashed there. And keep this in mind: if this girl really dug you, wouldnt she want to kiss you after three whole months?
I love your use of the word ditch. Its like trying to get rid of someone whos not there. Youre making it sound like Taylors Interest Level is in the stratosphere and youre going to break her heart if you dont call her again. The truth is that her Interest Level is only somewhere between 40% to 49%. What youve got here is a Professional Dater who offers to pay.
Youre not missing anything, dude. You just have to study harder, thats all.
Remember, guys: if shes inconsistent, she cant have high Interest Level.
© 2008, DocLove Dot Com
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Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" He is the author of the Master Series, available at www.doclove.com Archives for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000.
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