Newsbytes thru 1999

Menstuff® adds information on various issues weekly. We present a new issue each day at Today. See the list of issues for each month.

What is the media saying of concern to men? Menstuff® has taken excerpts from many periodicals and included our comments - good and bad alike. Here is the archive for 1999. See also 2003, 2002, 2001, and 2000. A click on the photo will often provide a larger photo or additional information regarding the topic.

A variety of current information is also available: Mediawatch, 2002 provides reviews the media's portrayal of men in advertising and the media. See 2001, also. For an index of these and additional stories, see 2002 and 2001.

After reviewing some of these topics, we encourage you to write the corporations and the government and give them your viewpoint. Action of the Week selects a particular action to take for the week. Change doesn't usually take place when only one complaint is received. If you want to be part of the solution, let them hear from you! Here's how. Updated 12/31/99.

City Pages | Free Times | LA Weekly | Nashville Scene
OC Weekly | Seattle Weekly | Village Voice

Response to Media's Portrayal of Men (Click here for comments on the portrayal of men through advertising.)
News for/about Men

DChicken Soup for the Chicken's Soul
Tweens:  Are they growing up too fast?
Men's Liberation?  Women's Liberation. Gay Liberation?  How free do we really want to be?
DParents Don't MatterMen's Urnal
DThe American Psychologist reports "Fathers aren't essential to the well-being of children."
The author of Backlash may be Taking Back her Earlier Claims
New Sex Drugs
The XXX Files
Fall TV Has Cups Running Over
When Nature Calls
Toxic Emotions
Call Me Negro, Black or African-American?
How to Design a Life that Works
Sex - It works on so many levels
The Bamboo Bridge
We're Up to Our Ears in Arms!
Boy? Girl? What's the difference?
1999 Nat Conf on Men's Health
DWho Needs Men?
All About Men.
DIs McGwire Just Another Druggie
New Postage Stamp Raises Awareness About Prostate Cancer
"If breast cancer targeted men rather than women, emphasis on research leading to a potential cure would have taken on an added sense of urgency."
Men:  The Scientific Truth
Special Report:  School Violence
Love in the Office
Grim new numbers on STDs.
The Beat Goes On:  Latinas and domestic violence.
The Secret Lives of Teens
15 viewpoints on Fear, including ours.
DThe Latest on Ritalin:  Scientists last week said it works. But how do you know if it's right for your kids?
Trokia's wit, wisdom and wherewithal on men.
Is there a Natural Prozac?
Unwanted Sex. What constitutes "consent"? What constitutes "force"?
The Business of Pornography.
Circumcision:  Experts answer some of new parents' questions.
A 21st Century look at How Doctors will see Us - and Heal Us.
Response to Media's Portrayal of Men (Click here for comments on the portrayal of men through advertising.)
The Mask of Masculinity
Father's Day
If Women Ran the World
Special Rights for Women
Sticks and Stones and the school yard killings
Don't Laugh at Me
Chore Wars
Train Accidents' Forgotten Victims:  Conductors , Engineers
Another Smiling Man Bites the Dust
DMaking rape out of wine: Oklahoma uncorks a bad law
D"Think being a tourist in Florida is dangerous. It is, especially if you have sex."
Male Anorexia: One million victims, ashamed and overlooked."
Men have five fewer years to enjoy life versus women. That's good news."
"Michael J. Fox - you're never too young to get a complete health checkup."
"So You Wanna Kill Yourself?  Gays and Suicide."
D"Retirement Age Extended. Two fewer years to enjoy life."
We know that "No" means "No. So, does "Yes means "Yes"? The answer is "No"! 20/20
"Viagra news coverage concerning discrimination in insurance payments."
D"If breast cancer targeted men rather than women, emphasis on research leading to a potential cure would have taken on an added sense of urgency." The true story during National Breast Cancer awareness month activities.
D"Fox Continues to Promote Domestic Violence"
D"'Roseanne' Supports Women's Violence against Men and Children"
D"'Friends' Supports Adult Female Teachers Seducing Their High School
There Are No Criminals - Just A Lot of Lost Souls
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but we have to live on earth
Scott Hamilton and Testicular Cancer
Mother's Day - 1870
Men in Skirts - Homophobia in Our Military

Diversity Publications
What Publishers are Telling Parents
What publishers are telling our children
What publishers are telling our teens


News For/About Men

DChicken Soup for the Chicken's Soul

Have you ever noticed Jack Canfield's "Chicken Soup of the Soul" series - Stories to Open the Heart and Rekindle the Spirits"? They've got one for about everyone and everything. There are ones for women (2), celebrating women, woman's songs, mother's soul, mother's heart, couples, parents, singles, singles/divorced/widowed, friends, everyday heroes, those over 50, birthday girls, kids, teenagers (3), teenage relationships, college, for survivors, for cancer survivors, cancer patients and their loved ones, for loving and learning, for unsinkable souls, to renew your faith, uplift your spirit, for Christians, Christian Families, country soul, work, creativity in the workplace, golfers, even recipes and cat & dog lovers and other critters. There's activity planers for mothers, pet lover's, and work. And another series of "A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Soul" for women, teenagers and friends. They come in cloth and paper, abridged, regular and large print, English and Spanish, books, calendars, journals, or appointment books, 2nd Helping, 3rd Serving, 4th Course, 5th Portion, 6th Bowl, Another Sip, Best of, and on and on and on. In these 182 different versions, however, there isn't one for men, fathers, boys, celebrating men, etc. And from the looks of the ones that have already been announced for publication in 2000, there aren't any on the drawing board. I find this very revealing about this and some other "spiritual" or "new age" work. Even though men are often the authors, they prefer not to talk about themselves or their kind. Is the reason that they don't think men can use it, need it, or benefit from it? No, it's greed - most books are written by women, most books are purchased by women, most "men's books" aren't runaway best sellers, so they will sell more copies about "Chicken Soup for critters" than for men, fathers or boys. Maybe someday, when they've totally run out of innocuous titles like "The 6th Bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul", then, maybe, they'll consider putting together something for men.  I wondered if that thinking had gotten that far with the "Chicken Soup" people, so I called them at 954.360.0909. "Maybe in a year or two we'll put one out for fathers." Maybe they're just plain chicken? If you're an optimist, send a story for possible publication to Men/Fathers, PO Box 30880, Santa Barbara, CA 93130. If you're a pessimist, write the publisher at Health Communications, 3201 SW 15th St, Deerfield Beach, FL 33443 to point out to their oversight.

Men's Liberation?  Women's Liberation. Gay Liberation?  How free do we really want to be?

The Fall/Winter, 99 issue of Enlightenment, looks at the issue through several different author's perspectives. Andrew Cohen starts with an overview, then a feminist activist and author, Elizabeth Debold, speaks with her male spiritual teacher, Andrew Cohen, about why women's liberation and spiritual liberation have nothing to do with each other in a piece called "Liberation Without a Face". Then Susan Bridle interviews Mary Daly in "No Man's Land" while Craig Hamilton interviews Sam Keen, pro ported to be "a men's movement pioneer" who is calling for an end to 'the gender game' in "Get Over It." Amy Eaelstein interviews Jose Cabezon in a piece called "Gay/Straight, Man/Women, Self/Other:  What would the Buddha have had to say about gay liberation?"  Daniel Piatek, a student of Andrew Cohen, writes about "Gay Liberation". Susan Bridle also interviews Kate Bornstein in "Gender Outlaw" and an interview with Marion Woodman concerns "the emergence of the black goddess" in "Taming Patriarchy." Definitely a keeper.

DParents Don't Matter

There's a new book out called The Nurture Assumption which makes the claim that it's our children's peers that shape our children's lives and parents don't have much, if any, of an impact regardless of whether we were abusive or nurturing. Coupled with the report in The American Psychologist (see following report "Fathers aren't essential to the well-being of children", this appears to be some various dangerous work, some by a woman who has no clinical or research background, and the other by a couple of psychologists. In looking at this subject, think about this. Adolescence raised without a father present have a higher dropout rate, higher teen pregnancy, higher truancy rates. In a time when we are working to encourage fathers to be more involved in their children's lives, we have this whole anti-father/anti-parent movement - like "I'm not responsible as a parent." Another perspective is presented in the Fall, 1999 issue of Getting Men Involved which reports the following: 1. According to a 1996 Gallup Poll, 90.3 percent of Americans agree that "fathers make a unique contribution to their children's lives."  2. A study on parent-infant attachment found that fathers who were affectionate, spent time with their children, and overall had a positive attitude were more likely to have securely attached infants. 3. A study assessing the level of adaptation of one-year olds found that, when left with a stranger, children whose fathers were highly involved were less likely to cry, worry or disrupt play than other one-year olds whose fathers were less involved. 4. Father-child interaction has been shown to promote a child's physical well-being, perceptual abilities, and competency for relatedness with others, even at a young age. 5. A survey of over 20,000 parents found that when fathers are involved in their children's education including attending school meetings and volunteering at the school, children were more likely to get A's, enjoy school, and participate in extracurricular activities and less likely to have repeated a grade. 6. Using nationally representative data on over 2,600 adults born in the inner city, it was found that children who lived with both parents were more likely to have finished high school, be economically self-sufficient, and to have a healthier life style than their peers who grew up in a broken home. 7. In a 26 year longitudinal study on 379 individuals, researchers found that the single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is parental involvement. Fathers who spent time alone with their kids performing routine childcare at least two times a week, raised children who were the most compassionate adults. And the studies go on. It is difficult enough to get divorce lawyers, family courts and state welfare agencies off the perspective that basically says the father's contribution to the family is monetarily based. So, they don't feel responsible to develop programs of father involvement outside of the realm of support. Even programs like California's "Declaration of Paternity" is basically intent on finding out who the natural father is so that the state can establish parentage or child support. It gives no guarantees that you will have any other rights as the father of the child. Programs like Getting Men Involved and publications like Getting Men Involved are important for the well-being of all communities and this country. If we don't start emphasizing the importance of the father to the child, as Michael Meade says in his book Men and the Water of Life, "they will burn down the culture". What are you waiting for - the fires to start in your community? Believe me, if you haven't looked closely, recently, they are already smoldering. Get involved to Get Men Involved in their children's lives!

Men's Urnal

There's a new men's publication on newsstands today. It's the premiere issue (9/99) of Men's Urnal with Harrison Ford on the cover. He has his fingers in his back pockets and a rather chagrined look on his face. The shadow makes his jeans around his crotch look soaked. The main headline reads "The Great Life." The interesting thing is that it looks amazing similar to the publication Men's Journal. Check it out.

D"Fathers aren't essential to the well-being of children."

According to an article in the Orlando Sentinel, columnist Kathleen Parker reports that an article in the 6/99 issue of the American Psychological Association's publication The American Psychologist, "Deconstructing the Essential Father" by researchers Louise B. Silverstein and Carl F. Auerbach. They write that "...the argument that fathers are essential as an attempt to reinstate male dominance by restoring the dominance of the traditional nuclear family with its contrasting masculine and feminine gender roles." Kathleen comments that their overt honesty embraces neither scientific credibility nor moral authority. What they want is simply wrong to the vast majority of Americans who believe in the traditional family, who live by their commitments, and who know through life experience that mothers and fathers do matter. Most men and women will recognize these new "findings" for the bogus nonsense they are. The idea of "the nonessential father" could become tomorrow's textbook lesson for elementary students. She warns "Parents should not ignore these tidings as mere musings among academics but see them as the danger signals they truly are." (Ed. We have inquired about getting a copy of the actual article to make our own comments and will update this piece if we get any additional information. Until then, we recommend caution. Many psychological theories, from Freud to the lesser known, have, and continue to severely damaged thousands of people. This could be another one of those.)

The author of Backlash may be Taking Back her Earlier Claims

On the cover of Newsweek's 9/13/99 issue, Susan Faludi, author of Backlash, a book filled with outlandish statements about men, may be changing her stripes in order to sell some more books. The new book, reported by Newsweek to be called Why Men Should Get a Break, A feminist's surprising take on the new male dilemma, but actually titled Stiffed: The betrayal of the American Man, talks about things most men have known long before she every wrote her first book. If she'd stopped long enough to talk to any of them, or to their male therapists, or anyone in reevaluation counseling over the past 30 years, or read any of hundreds of books on men's issues, she would have known that the average male doesn't feel he has any power and not much control over his life. It's worth reading the Newsweek article at your local library, but wait until the book gets there versus supporting someone who has made a lot of money in her previous work at men's expense. It's not time to forgive, especially when she stands to make a lot of money at this latest venture.

New Sex Drugs

The 9/99 issue of Discover does a cover story on "The Race to create passion on demand." The story covers a new crop of designer drugs in the works that will allow you to pick a potion that guarantees good sex even if you or your partner don't much feel like it.

The XXX Files

Lust is in the air and on the air waves. In fact, it's saturating the airways (see "Fall TV has Cups Running Over" below). And Oprah, on one of her recent shows on fashion that was so popular it was selected as a special repeat, announced that underwear is out (not meaning bra straps and underpants hems showing, but stating that the new style for women is going without any underwear). Dawson's Creek's Season Premier opens with a stripper going down on Dawson, who is just starting his Junior year. We don't know that it happened, but he crashed his father's boat in the process and ended up having a bunch of stripper's at his house to earn enough money from the boys in school to pay for the boat and dock repairs. In the print media, it's gone way beyond the places where we would expect to see it - magazines like Sex Life and Libido. Sex is plastered over magazine covers on everything from Entertainment Weekly's "Sex on TV:  It's everywhere you turn, but just how far will it go?" to USA Weekend showing Heather Graham's unbuttoned blouse, to Rolling Stone with Angelina Jolie selling their "Hot List 99" to Life magazine with comparable pictures of a teen from 1950 with the lacey mid-cut top to today's teen displaying her cleavage (note the same head tilt that hasn't changed in atleast 50 years). TV Guide plays up "TV's 16 Sexiest Stars" and provides one cover for women with a no-smile pose by David James Elliott of Jag and another cover for men with Alyssa Milano of Charmed, showing much cleavage and her hand between her knees with a hiked up red dress. Town & Country's Special Fashion Issue Elegance 2000 has Annette Roque Lauer in an Armani low-cut and Golf has supermodel Heidi Klum with a cleavage shot to the naval with the tease "as you've never seen her before - in your pants." Then there's National Geographic showing a woman in sexy black leather with the older woman to her left covered by a promotional flap. From Instyle to Heart & Soul, to Mode, to Natural Health, to Newage, to Psychology Today and Discover - sex sells general magazines on the newsstand. And, the "Swim Suit" issues have gone from Sports Illustrated to American Baby, to Muscleman, and even Cracked magazine, thought it was something to spoof.

You'd expect men's magazine to play it up, but the magazines where almost every cover features a woman in a low cut and something with the word "sex" in it, are the women's magazines. From Harper's Bazaar for adult women "Fall's New Dress Code:  100% Sexy. Sharp suits." and similar messages to adolescent girls in the new ComsoGirl. Even Modern Maturity has two cover stories in their 9-10/99 issue - "Great Sex: What's age got to do with it?" And "Who's Sexy Now?" Check out what is going on in women's magazines as well as what the industry is tell our adolescent girls - CosmoGirl even has a young male centerfold for their teen audience with his underwear showing. And, one final note. It's nice to see, finally, that one of the national magazines (Gear below) has exposed women's magazines, something we have been doing for years. Celia Farber writes in the article's subhead "Men's magazines get accused of exploiting women. Have you see a women's magazine lately?" See additional information and articles on this subject under Breasts.

Fall TV Has Cups Running Over

It figures to be an entertaining TV season. Which means that out of more than three dozen new network series, seven or eight deserve a peek. But this is no longer your father's television cosmos. For one thing, your father has been summarily judged too old to watch most network TV . Instead, programmers are luring young viewers with a mixture of sex and shock. It seems that this falls TV lineup is a barrage of people looking for it, talking about it, or having it. ABC, Fox, the WB and UPN are leading the charge.

The pilot episode of every new ABC show, except "Snoops", deals with young people including a 15-year-old boy, having or seeking sex. And that's the Disney network. Fox is dead set on shocking the public into paying attention. Fox's "Action" is a scathingly funny satire of Hollywood. But it comes within a nano-bleep of introducing the F-word to the TV prime-time lexicon. Christmas carols ("Do you see what I see?") become audio sexual puns. The female lead is a prostitute. Eventually, the pilot episode's key plot device is the size of a studio mogul's penis. "Get Real", a domestic comedy-drama on Fox, begins its broadcast life with the "oh, God, oh God, oh God" wail of a woman in orgasm. "Malcolm in the Middle" starts with a housewife shaving her husband's hairy back while he stands nude at the breakfast table, perusing the morning paper. Later, she does the laundry and answers the doorbell topless. Of course, the camera blinks.

The first words in the pilot of a WB high school drama, "Popular", spoken by a teenage girl: "Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror and looked at yourself?"  Later she imagines one of her teachers unbuttoning his shirt and unzipping his pants in front of her, and she wonders, "If he saw me naked, would he laugh?"  Nah.

UPN has decided this year that it's the network for teenage boys. While UPN isn't especially frothed sexually, its programming centerpiece is "WWF Smackdown!", featuring the mock violence of pro wrestling.

NBC promised in January to pare gratuitous sexual content from the network's prime-time shows, and the fall lineup suggests that they are making good on their word. Then again, NBC's "Cold Feet" pilot included a scene of one of the male leads serenading his girlfriend in the buff, with a rose jammed between his buttocks. It made a little sense in context. But, the most extravagant new series on NBC is "The West Wing", a Wednesday drama about the inner workings of the White House. Let's just say that it's not as sexy as what we've learned about the real thing.

When Nature Calls

Your on a backpacking adventure, or driving across the country. There aren't any bathrooms around and your significant other has to go. There's a product that could be just the ticket. It's been around for awhile and the latest version has a longer tube and more user friendly travel pouch. They've called it Freshette, the Feminine Urinary Director for females of all ages. It protects against unsanitary restrooms, wind, rain and snow, insects, thorns, poison oak and ivy, and uneven terrain. There's minimal undressing required and nothing to wear, empty or replace and it's reusable. It even comes in handy to eliminate any problems in giving a lab specimen. The manufacturer's list of suggested uses are: During prolonged outdoor activities such as hiking, skiing, bicycling, camping and horseback riding. And, can even be used to avoid wobbly and often dangerous positions when boating, canoeing or kayaking. And, be sure to take it with you on foreign travel to use during transit as well as poor sanitation conditions. 800.542.5580 PST Mon-Fri 9a-5p.

Toxic Emotions

According to New Age magazine, 7-8/99, you'd better think twice before bringing a bad day at work home with you. According to a series of articles published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family, negative emotions can create a chain reaction of distress that moves through a family and gives rise to anxiety, depression and other health and behavioral symptoms in susceptible family members. These emotions are a fact in family life and low levels or infrequent exposure will not have a long-term toxic effect. However, husbands, on average, reported bringing home work-related stress nine days a month (out of 22 workdays a month) - "enough to have an effect". They suggest blowing off steam before getting home, and if that doesn't work, letting family members know why you're grouchy. When there's a logical reason and family members know the source, they're less likely to be affected. (Feelings)

How to Design a Life that Works

The July/August, 99 issue of Fast Company makes an issues out of this subject. How Much is Enough?  Money for your work?  Time for your family? Public glory? Personal insight? Look at the choices we all have to make and see the results of a survey in which respondents say how much is enough for them. Enough is Enough. And, there's a place in the Arizona desert where high-powered businesspeople search for ways to redesign their out-of-kilter lives.

Sex:  It works on so many levels.

This issue of Shambhala Sun is dedicated to Sex. Pure Passion - when passion is free of ego - Judith Simmer-Brown on the role of desire in Buddhist tantra. Falling in Love - "The beloved is the occasion of something unlimited" - Norman Fischer considers sex, family, love and liberation. Sex & Buddhism-No Big Deal - Robin Kornman argues that unlike other religions, Buddhism doesn't view sex as a particularly important issue. Cosmic Embrace:  Seeing Sex as Sacred - John Stevens on the joys and profundities of erotic art from around the world. Bodhisattva Interrupta - Matthew Remski works hard to see the emptiness of all things, but sex, that's a tough one. Penis Passion - bell hooks argues that our erotic lives are enhanced when men and women can celebrate the penis in ways that don't uphold macho stereotypes. And Post-Porn Priestess of Pleasure - Amy Green on Annie Sprinkle and her sex-positive position.

The Bamboo Bridge

This organization needs to have a wider presence in this country! It has two major components. An honorable homecoming and a format for listening to war veterans from any combat zone, with compassion for their pain and needs. Early groups of returning Viet Nam Vets experienced a nation of people upset with seeing warfare on television in their living rooms. These Vets were reviled, spat upon and assaulted when they arrived home. Many of those who followed chose to wear civilian clothes when they came home to avoid this turmoil and pain. There were no parades, no celebrations, no welcoming committees. This was also the base for many veterans of other combat zones, or undeclared wars. We now invite all combat zone veterans to come all the way home. Find out that you are not alone. There are many who care about you - who are willing to walk point, be at your side and cover your back. This time, we'll be coming home together and you will be welcomed with respect and honor. Be open to possibilities. Peace can be yours through free weekend programs to support you in coming "All the way HOME!" It is up to you to take the action of enrolling in this program to support yourself in getting what you really want and need. or They currently have weekends planned for Milwaukee, Detroit, Indianapolis and Washington, D.C.

We're Up to Our Ears in Arms!

Military spending is still at Cold War levels -- triple what's spent for education, health care, job training, and environmental protection combined! Think about it!

Boy? Girl? What's the difference?

A funny thing happened when we left "puppy dogs' tails" and "sugar and spice" behind. Scientists discovered that it's not just our culture that makes rules about gender-appropriate behavior - it's our own body chemistry. How hormones determine your behavior. According to new research, the answer lies in a blend of chemistry and culture. Life Magazine (7/99).

1999 Men's Health Conference - A Report

The National Men's Health Conference was held in Philadelphia on June 3 and 4. Over 400 people attended this two-day professional conference for healthcare professionals and men's health advocates. There were keynote addresses by former US Senator Bob Dole, Dr. Whitney Addington(President of the American College of Physicians), and Dr. Louis Sullivan(former US Secretary of Health). Over 50 seminars and panels were presented on a variety of medical and psycho social issues. The conference faculty came from twelve different states and Canada. Among the various faculty members who participated in this conference were Kenneth Goldberg, MD (founder and director of the Male Health Institute - TX), Jed Diamond (author of "Male Menopause"), Michael Andronico, PhD (editor of "Men In Groups"), James Doyle, PhD (author of "The Male Experience"), Steven Botkin, EdD (founder and director of the Men's Resource Center of Western Masschusetts), Christopher Kilmartin (author of "The Pain Behind The Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression"). For the conference, an updated bibliography, resource list of websites on men's health, the Harvard Men's Health Watch, and educational materials from Merck and Pfizer were distributed to all participants. If there is anyone who would like a copy of the bibliography and resource list, please contact Anthony Lanzillo (

DWho Needs Men?

Harper's Magazine (6/99-Father's Day) makes it pretty clear that no-one does in their 13 page cover story addressing the prospect of a matrilineal millennium. A forum with Barbara Ehrenreich and Lionel Tiger.

All About Men.

Cosmopolitan's devotes a special "Summer" issue to men, but with a very different obsession than Harper's. Click here for a description of the topics in that issue.

DIs McGwire Just Another Druggie?

While news reporting that there is no benefit for an athlete to take androstenedione, we will always wonder if Mark McGwire could have broken the home run record if he was clean. And the record will always be tainted for many young baseball fans and other athletes who followed in McGwire's footsteps and added the drug to their systems, at the tune of over $25 million dollars in 1998. While the Journal of the American Medical Association will continue to report on andro's effect, positively or negatively, who should be held responsible for negatively impacting many boys and men's lives by it's aftereffects. The FDA, the doctors or coaches who recommend it, the drug companies who make and promote it, or sports idols and the media who hype it up. (It is said that the use of andro increase the levels of estrogen in men which is associated with increased risk of enlarged breasts, heart disease and pancreatic cancer. It is also said that men who took the drug had a 12 percent drop in their HDL or good cholesterol.) Don't we already have enough medical problems to add the physical risk that an ego-drug like andro creates just for a record or trophy. Hopefully men will wake up and smell the roses before they're placed on their coffin.

New Postage Stamp Raises Awareness About Prostate Cancer

To help raise awareness about prostate cancer and its often devastating effect on the health of many men in America, the U.S. Postal Service has issued a new commemorative postage stamp. "We believe this stamp will go a long way in helping spread the word among men young and old about how important it is for them to discuss this deadly disease with their healthcare provider," said Dr. Virginia Noelke, professor of history at Angelo State University in San Angelo, Texas, and chair of the Citizens' Stamp Advisory Committee.

Prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer deaths in men (after lung cancer) and, excluding skin cancer, is the most common cancer in American men. Early prostate cancer often does not cause symptoms.

Designed by Michael Cronan of San Francisco, Calif., the Prostate Cancer Awareness stamp design incorporates the male symbol. The words "Prostate Cancer Awareness" are stacked at the top of the vertically formatted stamp, "USA 33" appears turned 90 degrees counterclockwise in the bottom-left corner, and stacked in a box positioned in the bottom-right corner of the design are the words "Annual Checkups and Tests."

While the Postal Service does not endorse any particular testing method, the stamp encourages men who schedule annual physicals or checkups to discuss testing options with their healthcare provider.

For more information on stamps, visit the Postal Service Web site at and click "Stamps." To order stamps or stamp products, go directly to

Technical Details: Issue: Prostate Cancer Awareness; Item Number: 448200; Denomination & Type of Issue: 33-cent Commemorative; Stamps per Pane/Coil: 20; Print Quantity: 78.1 million stamps; Gum Type: Self-adhesive.

Men:  The Scientific Truth.

The August 25, 1999 issue of Scientific American, is almost totally about men. Titled like Thrill Seekers!  Why men risk it all. Bulking Up: The molecular mystery of muscle. Beyond Viagra:  Life after the little blue pill. Living Well:  Keys to aging successfully. Hanging On:  How to balance work and family. Bravo to Scientific American!  

"Love in the Office"

A third of all romances start on the job. Business and bliss have never been so complicated."  So says the cover story of the 12/14/98 issue of U. S. News & World Report. Alison Wethersfield, a lawyer with the National Organization for Women, wants you to know that it's perfectly OK to ask - "once, carefully." But we say, to be really careful, don't even ask once.  Know that anything you say or do could be used in a hearing and seriously jeopardize your entire career. And for what?  Just know that there are 3.5 billion women in the world. Why take the chance?

Grim new numbers on STDs

At least 1 in every 3 sexually active people will contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD) by the age of 24, reports a new public-health study by the American Social Health Association. Diseases such as herpes and hepatitis B are even more widespread than experts had previously thought. They estimate 15.3 million new STD cases each year. And because STDs are seldom discussed, even in the privacy of a doctor's office, many potential victims are not even aware of the two diseases that together account for two thirds of all new infections. Trichomoniasis, which often has no symptoms but which can cause infertility, shrikes 5 million men and women a year and the human papilloma virus, which is sometimes without symptoms but which can cause warts and genital cancers, infects 5.5 million annually. Not usually tested, if you have concerns, don't be shy. Again, U.S. News & World Report, 12/14/98.

The Beat Goes On:  Latinas and domestic violence.

Mia. A magazine for Latinos and the people who love them. In the Fall 98 issue, they compiled a list of the 10 Best Cities to have an Interracial Relationship in:  1. Seattle, 2. Minneapolis/St. Paul, 3. San Francisco, 4. Phoenix, 5. New York, 6. Denver, (7 wasn't listed), 8. San Diego, 9. Portland, and 10. Los Angeles. The Worst:  1. Birmingham, 2. Detroit, 3. Cleveland, 4. Dallas, 5. Cincinnati, 6. St. Louis, 7. Boston, 8. Philadelphia, 9. Atlanta, 10. New Orleans. It was also "The Relationship Issue" with the following additional stories:   A quiz for Gen-X Latinos and six ways to send your lover steppin. Everything you wanted to ever know about Latinos but were afraid to ask. Flipping the script on Machismo. I'm not a Latino but I play one on TV-Mia unveils the closet cases.

15 viewpoints on Fear, including ours.

The Fall, 98 issue of Parabola: Myth, Tradition and the Search for Meaning publication, has 15 authors writing about the issue of Fear. Our viewpoint can be found here.

DThe Latest on Ritalin:  Scientists last week said it works. But how do you know if it's right for your kids?

In the 11/30/98 issues of Time magazine, a report on this scary drug often used to shut down the human spirit, especially in boys.

Trokia's wit, wisdom and wherewithal.

While not a "men's" magazine, Troika is a joy to read. The Fall, 98 issue had three particularly good articles "My Father's Death", "Living Big" and "Boomers Don't Bleed for Their Fellow Man (and Gen X is Even Worse)".

Is there a Natural Prozac?

The 12/98 issue of Psychology Today looks at other options than our pharmaceutical model.

Unwanted Sex. What constitutes "consent"? What constitutes "force"? The law's answers remain murky.

Stephen Schulhofer reports on this very confusing topic in the 10/98 issue of The Atlantic Monthly. A must read!

Business of Pornography

Major information about the Business of Pornography plus a "very short" bit on men's health. It was pitched to us as a major piece on resources for men's health and how men are reading more men's magazines like Men's Health but it ended up to be a PR release for Harvard Men's Health Watch ($32/8 pages/month - 800.829.3341) and didn't provide any of the other resources we provided to them. U.S. News & World Report, 2/10/97. Click here if you want more information on: Men's Health Issues, Prostate Issues, Health books, and Books on the Prostate. Also, to get a sense of what other newsstand men's publications (a small portion of over 100 men's Publications) are saying, check News Bytes.

Circumcision. Experts answer some of new parents' questions.

It gave more arguments in favor of circumcision, the old "I want him to look like his father" (in California less than 40% of boys are circumcised so while he may like like his father, he'll be the odd one in the gym shower) and "Because it's a Jewish tradition". Needless to say we don't allow the Muslims to practice their religion against their daughters. And the Jewish tradition of animal sacrifice is no longer practiced. Their are alternative Bris ceremonies and other things to consider. Parenting, 2/97 Check further. The Issue, more on the subject, and books

A 21st Century look at How Doctors will see Us - and Heal Us.

That was the sub-headline. But, turning to the centerfold fold-out we see an early 20th Century male, not even at 1990's male, complete with a circumcised penis. Is this really how doctors want to see us in the 21st century, reversing the trend away from mutilation and returning to those barbaric years of the 1900's. Even today, fewer than half of the boys in California are circumcised. Come on, Doc. Wake up. It's time to get human and leave boys to be fully human, too, the way they were meant to be! Life, 2/97

Response to Media's Portrayal of Men 

The Mask of Masculinity

Subhead for the Newsweek 7/99 "Last Word" by George Will was "Is manliness natural or a 'social construct' that causes wars and sport utility vehicles?" It goes on to say that "both men and women can be brave, rank, aggressive, competitive, loyal, stoical. Perhaps manliness is a "social construct.' Here is the heart of 'gender studies':  If all human attributes are consequences of social arrangements, then clever rearrangement of society can provide whatever results the rearrangers want. If so, neither biology nor history not nature is destiny. All is nurture and ephemeral, nothing is instinctive, innate, permanent. Nothing is destined. Everything is a matter of choice. Free at last, free at leas..." It goes on to say "Maybe the gallantry of opening a door for a woman expresses disdain by asserting that the man is stronger. Then again, physical strength is a merely animal attribute. And opening a door may express sincere rather than guileful deferences. Then again, male sensitivity was not born yesterday. Some of the stuffed animals that children cuddle are called Teddy Bears because on one famous occasion the man who was the rough-riding personification of self-conscious manliness was too sensitive to shoot a wee bear. Yes, Teddy Roosevelt. That (18) '90's Man thought war was splendidly bracing for a nation, and that if a war was not handy, war's moral equivalent, football, would have to suffice. Mansfield says that feminists fault masculinity primarily for its antidemocratic exclusivity. They want society reconstructed so they can act as masculine as men have to, and they want men reconstructed so they will act a little less masculine, more sensitive. Feminists' real complaint, says Mansfield, is with femininity, the 'mystique' (Betty Friedan) of mildness that men supposedly have foisted on women to keep them in their place, which is down, as the 'second sex' (Simone de Beauvoir). 'Why can't a woman be more like a man?' asks some feminists. It is a fair, and complex, question famously asked in 'My Fair Lady' by Professor Henry Higgins, no feminist."

Father's Day

A review of the June, 1999 issue of Seville "parent" type magazine's (like Parent magazine) revealed no mention of Fathers or Fathers Day, even in their calendar of events sections. This isn't unusual, since many are called "Parent" or "Family" when they really are directed at women and children. We do want to give special recognition to Life magazine for their June, 99 issue for publishing several excellent and positive articles about fathers. "Steven Spielberg and his dad:  Healing a 15-year rift," plus "What makes a good dad?" and "Life's fatherhood test", and "Family tales from Doug Flutie, Rob Reiner and others."  Thanks for a head-start on some positiveness around fathering. It helps us prepare for the Sunday, June 20 newspaper campaign against fathers. If it's anything like the past, the major newspapers will be sure to carry at least one negative story about dads - dead beat, distant dads, you name it. I can't remember the last time I saw a similar story in any newspaper on Mother's Day about mothers (and the fact is that there are a bigger percentage of Dead Beat Moms than Dads). But, the press loves to dig at men, and will use the only real day men get to be honored, to do just the opposite. No time like the present to write or call or email your local papers asking them to just do positive stories on fathers in their June 20 edition and save the other stories for another day, possibly about mothers and fathers that fall into the those negative categories. Also, take this time to get something special for your dad (you all had one), or a call, if they are still alive. A visit, if it is at all possible. And, atleast take some time to bring back at least one good memory about your dad. (Also check out our "Issues" section and "Books" section around Fathers, Fathers & Daughters, Fathers & Sons and Single Fathers.)

Special Rights for Women

It's long been understood that there are different rules and laws for women and men. Men get longer sentences, often times women get off for crimes at least as severe that bring men automatic sentencing. Men can't work out in a men's only health club, but women are allowed to have women only health clubs. The state will send men to prison for not paying full child support yet a great many women deny the fathers right to visitation, and nothing is done. Women rail against the Promise Keepers having men only space, yet the Minnesota Women's Music Festival, the Lilith Faire, and many other events usually have a cutoff of eight years or less for any male wanting to attend, if they are allowed at all. Mills College refused to allow men. Mary Daly, a professor at Boston College (a college that was forced to include women) has excluded men from taking her classes for years and the most she got was a slap on the wrist until a male student had had enough and sued. Now Gloria Steinam and others want her to keep her special rights. After all, according to Mary, as reported in the 6/14/99 issue of People, "....she adopted her woman-only policy when she noticed female students spoke more freely when no men were around."  Of course, if she noticed that men have much the same difficult with women in a class, she failed to mention that when these same woman were fighting to have women attend (invade) all classes at Boston College. "There's a great need for women's space," said Daly. Apparently, she believes that men don't have similar needs. Once again, the 1972 Title IX is set up only to bar gender discrimination against women, not men.

Chore Wars

We understand that some states are developing laws that require one spouse to pay the other for chores. If you know of any such laws, we'd like as much information as possible

Our initial thinking is that it sounds like a good law - if it is applied (1) only to chores that one spouse wants done by the other, and (2) that that spouse pays the other spouse out of their personal income. The spouse contracted to do the chores should be required to provide all the equipment and supplies needed to perform the chores since that is what professional services offer.

Other considerations: charge for room and board, clothing allowance, vehicle rental and maintenance, shared vacation expenses, etc. We could even consider sex, depending on who wants it. (Gigolo's get paid, too.) And, either spouse should also have the right to contract outside the household for any such chores if there are more economical or professional ways to perform them. We can make marriage an economical contract yet (as if other state laws haven't already. See laws (and consequences) you should know before you get married in Divorce & Custody.) In the meantime, check out what Hagar has to say about chores.

"Train Accidents' Forgotten Victims:  Conductors , Engineers.

Casualties:  After 20 years on the job, virtually all trainmen have witnessed death on the tracks. Physics prevents them from stopping in time. Psychological trauma can be intense. In the first nine months of 1998, according to Federal Railroad Administration statistics, 369 people died in rail trespassing accidents nationwide. In 1997, 553 people were killed. Though they are seldom injured, engineers and conductors are hurt in other ways. They know it's coming, hear the crunch, see the gore and wonder:  Could they have made a difference? And, there's not a thing they can do. Physics explains why:  A train weighting hundreds of tons and moving up to 110 mph on metal rails cannot stop quickly. Even a 150-car freight train traveling at 30 mph needs two-thirds of a mild to stop, according to Operation Lifesaver, a New York state program that promotes safety at rail crossings. Such numbers are little comfort to a train crew after an accident. "You feel like a murderer," says Amtrak conductor Dom Fruci. "You feel responsible." "You have to get used to the small," Fruci says. "There's a scent to the blood." For war veterans, the accidents often recall combat, according to Veronia Owens, an employee counselor who sets up a peer-support program for train crews at Conrail. The reaction can be more intense if the victim is a child or resembles a relative. "Some of them will feel like they're losing it," she says. Now 41, Nunziato tried to handle the first few fatalities on his own. But in 1994 he faced six fatalities in eight months -0 including three snowmobilers who didn't hear his whistle and a boy with headphones wandering the tracks. He withdrew from family and friends and began having nightmares. Relief came only after he talked to a counselor. Owens said engineers and conductors are often hampered by railroader machismo that teaches them to shrug off accidents. And, although support services are valuable, they can't prevent the accidents. Crews learn to expect the inevitable. Statistics show about half of all crew members will see a fatality within a decade. After two decades, virtually all engineers and conductors ware likely to witness a death." Excerpted from the 2/28/99 L.A. Times.

Another 'Smiling Man' Bites the Dust

I'll never forget it. Robert Subby was on stage talking to several hundred people in recovery. He asked the crowd, "You know when you can tell a man's in trouble?" He crosses his arms, puts a stern smile on his face, and scans the crowd. Well, on March 22, 1999 we lost another Smiling Man. He seemed to have it together. A rising star on a popular TV sitcom, a hit movie about to be released. A seemingly strong relationship. A popular and personal 29 year-old who appeared on the outside to have it together.

A friend who helped me through a bout with suicide during my divorce committed suicide 8 years later without my knowing that anything was wrong. Another 'Smiling Man' who had done a lot of personal work, threatened to kill his former girlfriend and after a six-hour standoff with police, killed himself. Another 'Smiling Man' was in a personal growth workshop with his adolescent son. He had done a lot of work and was in a men's group. Several weeks after the workshop, he killed himself. All of these men were white-collar professionals. All saying "I'm fine." As some think, that could be interpreted as Furious, Isolated, Numb and Empty.

It's not really important to know what went wrong. What is important is to learn how we men can learn to open-up and ask for help well before these kinds of times come, instead of taking our own lives. Do you have at least one man in your life you will go to with the tough stuff?  Or are you a 'Smiling Man'? Do you know any men who are going through some real tough times? Or are all your male friends 'Smiling Men'? Look hard. Listen hard. Be sure your friends know you are willing to listen. Make sure you've got atleast one man to spill it all to. And spill it all. There's nothing wrong with a smile - unless it's hiding something you're too embarrassed to talk about. Real men ask for help. So, don't be one of those "Smiling Men" who will die of embarrassment! Don't let a friend be one either. (See Suicide for more information on the issue and books on suicide.)

D"Making Rape out of Wine. Oklahoma Uncorks a Bad Law"

By Kathleen Parker. Commentary Published in The Orlando Sentinel on March 14, 1999.

Say you're a man and want a romantic dinner with your beloved. A little wine, a little candlelight and, who knows, perhaps a little je ne sais quoi later in the evening?

Say the object of your affection -- relaxed by the chardonnay and enchanted by the soft light -- becomes enamored of your immense charms and succumbs to the moment. Say she wakes up next day a tad hung over, remorseful over last night's lapse of judgment, and decides she needs a guilt purge.

Let's hope you're not waking up in Oklahoma, for under a proposed bill, your once-beloved could charge you with rape.

Incredibly, the Oklahoma House of Representatives passed by a 99-0 voice vote a bill that would expand to a ridiculous degree the circumstances constituting rape. Basically, the proposed amendment would pardon women for getting high and loose and would condemn any man who had the poor judgment to be born this century.

If the bill passes the state Senate, rape in Oklahoma will be defined as sexual intercourse (ask a third-grader) "where the victim is intoxicated by alcohol, a controlled dangerous substance or other intoxicant to such an extent that the victim is incapable of giving legal consent."

Sponsored by Republican Carolyn S. Coleman, the bill reportedly wasn't challenged in the House. Fearful of a feminist backlash, legislators let the bill sail through without objection, according to one Oklahoma lobbyist.

Somehow, level heads did manage to defeat other outlandish provisions, one of which called for a clear consensual agreement for sex, as in sign-on-the-dotted-line. I've always wondered how such contracts would be enforceable. Wouldn't signers need witnesses? How about a notary? And, having signed a consensual agreement for sex, can you sue your partner for lousy sex? Just a thought.

Another deleted provision defined rape as sexual intercourse with any female younger than 18. You think our prisons are overflowing now? Imagine prosecuting 17-year-old boys for having sex with their girlfriends.

As it stands, the bill draws the line at 16. In other words, any female younger than 16 who has sex with any male of any age, ipso facto, has been raped. Never mind that the girl may have been equally responsible. I've heard that sometimes girls actually request sex with their boyfriends, but it's probably just a vicious rumor.

If this bill goes through, parents better lock up their boys until they're old enough to date tea totaling 18-year-olds. Both of them.

Meanwhile, one has to wonder: Has something happened to the groundwater in Oklahoma? Did aliens contaminate the drinking supply, causing the statewide intelligence quotient to plummet suddenly and mysteriously? Can we call an emergency referendum to allow these people to secede?

I can't fathom the "thinking" behind such a bill. As a former college student who once or twice was in the same room with a keg of beer and a bunch of guys, I'm confounded. As a woman who enjoys a little wine now and then and who has, on occasion, enjoyed a candlelight dinner where everyone's intentions were clear, I'm insulted. As a mother of show-stopper sons who are natural-born chick magnets, I'm outraged.

Laws such as this one may be inspired by good intentions, but they're loose and dangerous. The Oklahoma bill would make a mockery of everyone, endowing women with an intrinsic saintliness and criminalizing men for breathing the same air. Lost forever, it seems, is any expectation of personal responsibility or self-control from the "weaker" sex.

Surely a Senate committee will kill this bill before it reaches the floor for a vote. Meanwhile, should you go West, my sons, steer clear of Oklahoma.

Kathleen Parker's column is distributed by Tribune Media Services. Her column also appears Wednesday in the Sentinel's Living section. She can be reached at on the Internet. She welcomes comments but cannot respond to all e-mail. [Posted 03/13/1999 7:04 PM EST]

The article can be retrieved at: and Kathleen Parker's recent articles are listed at:

D"Think being a tourist in Florida is dangerous? It is, especially if you have sex."

Statues in Florida that date back to 1868 ban such behavior as unmarried people living together and oral sex, even between married couples. Even though the laws are seldom enforced, The National Sexual Rights Council has filed suit against these laws. They want Florida to be required to warn out-of-state tourists that many sexual activities they enjoy legally where they live are criminal actions in Florida. Other states like Georgia have similar laws making oral sex sodomy. We don't know of a case of a heterosexual couple ever being charged under this law, but Georgia law enforcement has used it against the gay community. Remind me. Where was Deliverance filmed?

"Male Anorexia: One million victims, ashamed and overlooked."

Gear magazine, in their 1-2/99 issue, took on a subject that few main stream men's magazines would touch. They report, "Until now, the national clamor over eating disorders and body image problems has concentrated exclusively on women, reinforced by the feminist assumption that the mania is "caused" by the tyranny of the media-fueled beauty cult. It is women, not men, who have been pegged as the 'victims' of this obsessive focus on looks and nothing fuels the victim image more satisfying than an emaciated, anorexic woman. But recent studies, though they have received little attention, have illuminated a startling and troubling fact: one in six cases of eating disorders are diagnosed in men."  Dr. Arnold E Andersen, MD a professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa says that men with eating disorders have been "ignored, neglected and dismissed because of statistical infrequency, or legislated out of existence by theoretical dogma."  (When have we heard that before?  Cancer, domestic violence, rape, statutory rape, sexual harassment. Also, click here concerning the fact that men out-die women in all 15 major causes of death while the press and research dollars and awareness campaigns virtually ignore the situation. That's really something to think about!)

The stigma attached to eating disorders, profound as it is among women, is almost insurmountable among men, who not only resist treatment, but are frequently refused treatment even when they do seek it. Those men who do get help often have a heavy burden of shame to unload. In fact, amenorrhoea (the cessation of menstrual periods in females) was regarded for years as a central criterion of anorexia - men, by definition couldn't have it. Also, the stereotype of the effeminate homosexual male model also dominates, but 80 percent of men with eating disorders - whether bulimia or anorexia - are heterosexual.

Anorexia and bulimia are characterized, in both men and women, by essentially the same traits: self-induced starvation, an excessive fear of becoming fat even when thin, and a tendency toward compulsive living patterns. Men don't necessarily think in terms of "fat" or "thin" as women do. They relate in terms of "strong" or "weak", where fat is associated with being weak, unmanly and disgusting. So, for many men, structured forms of exercise are carried to obsessive levels.

Treatment needs differ between men and women - they have different preoccupation's with body image, and will be returning to different body shapes. Even if men do decide to seek treatment, the medical establishment may not be prepared and many don't even know how to respond.

Thanks Gear for having the guts to provide the information. Now, let's hope that those million plus men affected by anorexia are man enough to seek help!

D"Men have five fewer years to enjoy life versus women. That's good news."

According the 11/98 issue of Life magazine, "Life expectancy is now age 78 for women, 73 for men." This is down from an 8 year difference in the early 90's to only a five year difference today. And, according to 48 Hours, by the year 2040 there will be 24 million centurions (people 100 years or older) and that it will be common to see people in their 130's. Life had some other interesting things to say. More people are exercising - or atlas joining gyms. 75 percent of those 65 and older say their lives are better than they were 20 years ago - or atlas the same. For 15 months in a row, joblessness has stayed below 5 percent for the first time in 28 years - reducing stress. The divorce rate is 4.3 per thousand people, the lowest in two decades. In the past decade, the number of drugs approved to treat AIDS has increased 50 times. Smoking by men is down 48 percent since 1965; by women, 33 percent. School is cool: The high school dropout rate is falling as more students either graduate or return to earn their Geodes. Thanks to more police and shifting demographics, crime rates are the lowest they've been in over a decade. The murder rate is the lowest it has been since 1969. Infant mortality from birth defects has declined 34 percent since 1980. Sexual activity among adolescents is down for the first time in 20 years...which helps explain why teen pregnancy has fallen 12 percent from 1991."

"How long do you want to live?  How much are you prepared to invest in your health and mental well-being?  This negotiation calls upon our inner resources and usually prompts a new willingness to devise stratagems for eluding death and illness."  New Passages. What are you going to do in the next year to insure that your mind, body and spirit will be healthy so that you can join us and celebrate the year 2040? That's not that far away.

"Michael J. Fox - you're never too young to get a complete health checkup."

Men are at great risk of dying if we don't catch diseases and ailments in our bodies and minds early enough. Embarrassment about getting a prostate exam, not admitting you might be ill (Michael J. Fox and Parkinson's), may cause an early death, leaving family and friends behind. Check out health issues-general, (including infertility, Parkinson's, suicide, testicular cancer, Viagra, etc.), prostate; health books-general, ADD, AIDS, prostate, recovery or general info at and take a journey through our links section, resources and issues sections and start cleaning up your act. We out-die women in all 15 major causes of death. Why would you want to add to these statistics?

"So You Wanna Kill Yourself?  Gays and Suicide."

Gay men are six times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight counterparts and the numbers increase exponentially during the holidays. This story appears in the 12-1/99 issue of Genre and examines the issues behind why they are taking their own lives, and offers some solutions to the holiday blues. Also see our own # 6 Suicide and # 7 Happy Holiday 

D"Retirement Age Extended. Two fewer years to enjoy life."

I haven't seen any media coverage about this but in talking with the Social Security today, by the year 2027, people will be required to work until they are 67 in order to collect full retirement. You can still take early retirement at 62, but, depending on your age, you'll get even less income than those who were born before 1939. For men, this means they get two fewer years to enjoy life without work, and, since the average man dies at 73 now, that's less than seven years to enjoy retirement.

How do you know when "Yes" means "Yes"?

This story took place at Brown University. On that campus, women students drink but refuse to take any responsibility for their actions. In this case, she's the one that came to his room. She didn't appear to be drunk. And, she was the one who started the kissing. She's the one who starting petting. She's the one who asked him to get a condom. She talked with him for hours after they had sex and left her name and number and asked him to call before she left. But, five weeks later she claims to have no memory of the event and accused him of rape.

According to the group, Coalition Against Sexual Assault, if we think you're guilty, you're guilty. This small group of the self appointed "politically correct" activist students and teachers from CASSIA (which stands for "home" in Spanish - not a very safe one if you disagree with them) obviously aren't interested in the truth. Because they believe that they hold the moral position and they shout down anyone who disagrees with them. And, in this segment, when that didn't work, they pulled the cord on 20/20s recording equipment. Their music teachers agrees. He claims the background to state that this student is a leper to this college campus.

Does this seem familiar? Some in this group say that anyone accused doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt Brings back images of Salem, doesn't it?. It's obvious that the Brown University campus has a dictatorship of the politically correct. The "victim" who would speak at rallies, didn't want her name used and it wasn't used in public, on television or in the campus newspaper. The same rights weren't afford the male involved. But, this isn't unusual nor the first time the Brown University campus has been a hot bed of political tourney. In the future, they'll probably blame it on the water.

How can we ever expect to bring up our girls to take responsibility for their lives when we make sure that they know that they don't have to be. Nothing is their fault. What they do when they're drunk, or depressed, or on PMI or break up with their boyfriend, whatever they do they cannot be held responsible for. What a far cry from the many cultures who bring up their daughters as responsible adults by 13, who start and maintain healthy families at 13. Who, at 13, raise their children to become responsible adults. But, at Brown University, 21 year olds aren't responsible and so blame others for their actions. And, get away with it.

The result is that men must really be aware if you're in any kind of a relationship with a woman - whether lover or spouse - No means No and only yes means yes and then only if she hasn't had anything to drink. And, even when sober, be sure she's on top. It's much more difficult to be falsely accused of rape, that way.

Has political correctness gone too far? Six year old boys are being trained not to try to kiss a girl. Nine year old brothers are taught not to poke their older sister in the butt or they'll be classified a sexual deviate. Connect this with a recent survey that showed that 35% of men 18-35 never plan to marry. With this trend growing, it's going to be interesting if the next generation of boys will have anything to do with women, romantically. But, I guess that's what sperms banks are for.

"Viagra news coverage concerning discrimination in insurance payments."

In the investigation of insurance payments for Viagra versus birth control, are the media in your area also looking at the gender discrimination of HMO’s and insurance companies in two additional areas:

1. Covering tests for women for breast cancer and not covering tests for men for prostate cancer. FACT: Almost twice as many men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year versus women diagnosed with breast cancer. In addition, virtually as many men die of prostate cancer as women who die of breast cancer, and there is no treatment for prostate cancer to date that improves a man’s life.

2. Covering tests for girls for breast cancer and not covering tests for boys for testicular cancer. FACT: 7,200 boys 15-34 will be diagnosed and 350 will die this year from the disease, much greater than girls/women in that age group dying of breast cancer.

Also, a review of the disparage between the amount spent for research and awareness campaigns on the above should be of great interest. The National Cancer Institute estimates that they will spend $332.9 million on breast cancer research this year while spending $74.0 million on the study of prostate cancer and $0 on testicular cancer. Prostate cancer receives the least amount of funding per patient of all major cancers. Source: American Foundation for Urologic Disease.

The National Cancer Institute also reported that during the period 1950-1991, women's rate of death from breast cancer increased 2% while men's rate of death from prostate cancer increased 25%. Until the last few years, you never heard anything about prostate cancer. Even today, it's not a high priority on health programs or the news. There's no postage stamp or brochures at the post office. (The second Breast Cancer postage stamp will soon be issued to raise awareness of breast cancer and to fund additional research.) There’s no special research or funding organizations for prostate cancer, no national prevention month, week or even day.

This is not to say that everything that is being done to find a cure for breast cancer should not be done. However, where do men’s health issues fit in in your local news analysis and reporting? What about the fact that of the 15 leading causes of death, men lead in every single category.

If you’re interested, I’ve included some additional information on the subject which can be verified with a simple call to The National Cancer Institute regarding the facts on new diagnosis, death and research spending. Calls to HMOs, health insurance carries, etc. will verify the differences in coverage.

Prostate/Testicular Cancer

1. In 1998 The National Cancer Institute expects 180,200 new cases of breast cancer and 334,500 new cases of prostate cancer.

2. Percentage wise, as many men die of prostate cancer (the number 1 cancer killer of nonsmoking men) as women who die of breast cancer (the number 1 cancer killer of nonsmoking women). 43,900 women and 290 men will die of breast cancer, 41,800 men will die of prostate cancer.

3. Health plans often include free breast exams and screening for girls and women. If a boy or man wants to be tested, he has to push the issue and usually pay full price.

4. Schools have programs to teach girls how to examine themselves. A woman 15-35 dying of breast cancer is extremely rare. In this same age group, nothing is being done to teach boys the importance of self exams or even how to check themselves to protect this disease. The American Cancer Society was the only organization we could find that spent anything on testicular cancer research, and they spent a whopping $875,000 ending 8/31/97. Would you want to lose your son just because schools and health services don't think it's as important to teach boys about the dangers of cancer and how to protect against getting it?

For those interested in a waterproof "Self Exam for Testicular Cancer" card that can hang on the shower nozzle, see Side and Side on this website. The Center is a nonprofit educational organization working since 1982 to reduce men’s isolation. Learn more about 100+ men’s issues including prostate and testicular cancer by returning to the homepage. Additional information on prostate cancer can be found at

"If breast cancer targeted men rather than women, emphasis on research leading to a potential cure would have taken on an added sense of urgency."

The true story amidst all the National Breast Cancer promotional energy.

This statement, often used in comments and articles, just doesn’t reflect the truth, according to the National Cancer Institute's information as of the close of their fiscal year, 8/31/97. Yes, 1997.

Fact: 1996/7 new cases: breast cancer - 180,200, prostate cancer - 334,500.

Fact: 1996/7 deaths - breast cancer - 43,900 women and 290 men; prostate cancer - 41,800. (Percentage wise, as many men die of prostate cancer as women who die of breast cancer.)

Fact: Both are the # 1 cancer killers of nonsmokers

Fact: From 1950-1991, women’s rate of death from breast cancer - +2%; men’s from prostate cancer - +25%.

Fact: 1996/7 research spending: breast cancer - $332.9 million, prostate cancer - $74.0 million. (American Cancer Society estimates they will spend $12,547,500 on breast cancer research, $5,576,000 on prostate cancer and $875,000 on testicular cancer in 1997.)

Fact: Of the 15 major causes of death, men lead in every category, but no one talks much about it.

Until the last few years, you never heard anything about prostate cancer. Even today, it's not a high priority. There's no postage stamp or brochures at the post office. No special research or funding organizations. No national prevention month, week or even day. Newspapers like the San Francisco Chronicle report un-researched stories with headlines like the above, yet are silent when presented with facts.

Health plans often include free breast screening and testing for girls and women. If a man wants to be tested, he has to push the issue and pay full price. Schools have programs to teach girls how to examine themselves. A woman 15-35 dying of breast cancer is extremely rare. In this same age group, 7,200 men will be diagnosed and 350 will die this year of testicular cancer but nothing is being done to teach them how to check themselves to protect against this disease. The American Cancer Society is the only organization that I could find doing testicular cancer research. They estimate that they will spend $875,000 this year on the subject. Would you want to lose your son just because schools, health services and the media don't think it's that important?

This is not to say that everything that is being done to find a cure for breast cancer should not be done. However, until men think it's important to live a healthy life, it is doubtful that much more will be done about it. And, it's our responsibility to do something about it, not someone else's. For those interested in more info on prostate cancer see: or write

DFox TV Continues to Promote Domestic Violence

An hour and 28 minutes into the Super Bowl game on Sunday, Fox TV ran a commercial to promote domestic violence on Melrose Place. If you read our section on tv violence, it demonstrates how much violence from women hitting men is being promoted to viewers and children. This time, Heather Locklier hauls off and slaps a male to promote the next show. Kids and teenagers are confused. Is it any wonder domestic and relational violence continues to rise. And, if you think it's okay for a woman to hit a man, there's the problem. Domestic and relational violence is still violence regardless of who does it but why is it okay, accepted and being promoted, without any comments from the Alternatives to Violence community, the women's movement, newscasters, etc. It starts and stops with you. (See Where to write if you want to do something about it.)

D"Roseann" Supports Women's Violence against Men and Children

Here's the story line. I think it's Roseann's sister who is in an abusive relationship. Roseann uses no humor to confront the husband and get the reluctant wife out of the house. She succeeds. The scene moves to the sons bedroom where Roseann's husband is talking to his teenage son. He is making it clear that it isn't okay to hit. It's serious. He goes on to say, it's not okay for men to hit women. The son asks, what if it's someone very close to you. It's really not okay. Then, the son asks, what if it's a woman who is doing the hitting. The father doesn't answer the question and instead brings in humor to ignore the question "Don't you want to talk about how babies are born?" And, the scene is over. The show had a very strong opinion about men's violence and had a perfect opportunity to say that women's violence against men or children is not okay either - and didn't, and, to me, gave that boy and the audience a position that it's okay for women to be violent, even with their children.

D"Friends" Supports Adult Female Teachers Seducing Their High School Students

The scene. One of the Friends brothers is in high school. You can tell that he has a hard time with being loved. His 44 year old female home ec teachers gets romantically involved with him. They make a point to insure that you know he is 18 (no longer a minor), and we have to assume that the romantic attachment started after he turned 18. The Friends talk to both of them about the age difference. They both agree that it should end. When this decision is made individually, they end up coming over to the Friends apartment to break it off. They agree to break it off and almost immediately fall into this intense embrace, start kissing passionately, fall on the couch and continue to make out. The cast of Friends basically shrug it off and that's it. No comment of the teachers authority and power over the boy. No discussion on the sexual trauma. No comment that the relationship is totally inappropriate. Is it? My challenge to the writers of the show is do the same scenario but make the teacher a male shop teacher and the 18 year old student a female. My sense is that, if that story was played out their would be public outrage, there would be talk shows about sexual harassment. There would be an investigation. And, it wouldn't be funny. If it's a male teacher, it can't be love. If it's a female teacher, it's okay. It brings to mind the case on Mary Laturno, the 35 year old teacher and mother of 4 in Washington State, who has been charged with 2 counts of rape for developing a sexual relationship with a 13 year old friend of one of her sons. The American Journal spent most of the story time talking with people in community that couldn't believe she would do something like that, some questioning if it's really true. There was noone talking about the young boy, what it took to come forward in a culture that supports this kind of behavior, that says, he probably enjoyed it so it should be okay and they don't say that about a 17 year old girl in the same situation. No discussion with psychologists on the trauma this can create in his life. Rather, if a 17 year old girl is involved, let's keep her as a girl, telling her she isn't a woman yet and creating another victim. If it's a 13 year old boy, it'll help him become a man. It's all so ironic. Many cultures, especially in Catholic countries like Peru and Equador, find it quite normal for 13 year old women to marry 22 year old men - it's the custom. There's nothing unusual about it. That's the way its been for centuries. Yet, in our culture, we still want to keep our girls as little girls, even at 17. Don't grow up. Don't become a woman when your body and mind have developed to that level. You're still just my little girl. I'm not saying we should lower the age of consent, what we do need to do is see the boys and girls are impacted by information and messages that say that we have to protect our girl children, the boys can take care of themselves. Think about it!

There Are No Criminals - Just A Lot of Lost Souls

People wouldn't abuse others if they hadn't been abused. We tend to forgive women easier, often using the abuse that happened to them as an excuse, and give them probation more often or shorter sentences for the same crimes. There seems to be more tolerance for women abusing men (slapping, hitting, ridiculing, shaming) and it plays out in our movies and on our school playgrounds. (See TV Violence). We also tend to label people rather than their behaviors. You're an abuser, molester, alcoholic, bad person. Some women (and men) writers believe that all men are rapists. (For the men that say this, thank goodness they are admitting that they are rapists so that we know to protect the women that come around them.) The mere statement says that no matter what I do, how much work I do as a man, I'm still seen as a rapist in their eyes. It doesn't give me permission to become a better man. Versus acknowledging the behavior as unacceptable and noting that it is separate from their soul. Shame doesn't bring about healthy change. Acknowledging that the person is good and that a behavior is not acceptable, changes the way people think about themselves and the possibility for change becomes easier. This process of shaming starts at a very early age when we tell children they are bad. While many of us received this in childhood, and it takes a lot of awareness to not pass it on, we must stop our shaming process of our children, and teach our children not to shame and make fun of other children that appear different than them. In actuality, adults and children who shame others are really telling us all how inadequate they are and the lengths they will go to to deflect these weaknesses off on others.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but we have to live on Earth

A recent Barbara Walter’s infomercial for John Gray's work, was two-hours long and was paid for by ABC. They even had an 800 number at the end selling the video tape of the show. Luckily, we were spared the usual hype for books, tapes and video tapes of the course itself. Maybe I missed something, but I didn't really get the sense that most of the couples were much happier. The men seemed to be, but most of the women seemed to have "that look" of not really going along with the changes in the men while appearing to agree. And there was virtually no focus on women needing to change.

The thing that really got me was this whole "chores" mindset. From households with children kept super neat and clean, down to how important it was for one woman to have the inside of the trash cans washed out. Seems like it should have concentrated more on the obsessive-compulsive behavior of cleanliness as much as getting men to help around the house.

Where does this obsession come from? Our mothers and grandmothers? Gotta keep busy? Our fathers and grandfathers - want my castle spic-and-span when I get home? Something's wrong here. I think it has more to do with "appearance - what will the neighbors think" than anything else. But, maybe my experience is unusual. I know many couples with children where the home looks actually lived in, not like a gallery. It's not dirty. It's just not tidy. And, many women I have dated would have a very neat place when they knew I was coming over. Yet, if I dropped by unannounced, the place was in chaos. Clothes on the floor, things scattered everywhere. This is usually the stereotype for men, but I wonder if it's not just the way "people" are and that the obsession with "every thing has its place, and it must stay in that place" hasn't gotten a bit out-of-hand?

Another big reaction from most of the women was men watching sports. We really get a bad rap on this one. My sense is, most of us don't realize how much television women watch, because so much of their viewing is while we are at work. Furthermore, they won't admit how many hours of television they actually do watch every day. The viewing is soap operas (fantasy land), talk-shows (whine time), and game shows (atleast there may be a little socially redeeming value in learning something here). While I haven't looked at the Nielsen ratings for a while, if compared, I doubt that women watch any less television than men, and the content can't be much different. It's escapism on both sides.

And finally, family violence. Of the six women, one admits blowing up, throwing plates, etc. at her husband. Another, we observe, screaming and shaming her husband when he's late coming home from work for his birthday party. He's with the children trying to eat his cake and she's pacing like a tigress waiting to pounce. When their daughter accidentally knocks something over because she's excitedly carrying around a present for her father, her mother screams at her. The daughter cowers and we hear her say "Why is mommy always screaming?" The excuse for women's violence is often, if you had to be with children all day, you would too." There is no excuse for that kind of verbal violence. Whether it comes from a mother or a father. She needs help and it's not up to her husband to change his behavior. It's up to her.

I know women and men are different. I think our differences and our similarities must be explored. However, starting with the image that men are from the planet of war and women are from the planet of love (but don't have any arms) just reinforces the belief that only women are inherent nurturers and men are inherently violent- neither of which are true. Both sexes are inherently nurturers. Both sexes are inherently loving, caring human beings. I would love to see us be able to work together without playing games or manipulating each other because we know what makes each other tick. Cut the game playing. Cut the phony acknowledgment and recognition. Let's get real with each other, for a change. As one advertisement put it, "Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. End of story."

Mother's Day - 1870

Here is the original, Mother's Day proclamation made in Boston by Julia Ward Howe, a Unitarian, in 1870. The proclamation was a rallying call for peace. Compliments of I. Stueber, Abigail's Rebels newsgroup --

Proclamation for Mother's Day

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of tears! Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.

Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy, and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says "Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice." Blood does not wipe out dishonor nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead. Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God--

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.

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An average person has a vocabulary of 45,000 words.
Yet, 1000 basic words make up 90% of all writing.

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